School Is Out

A Portrait in Rebellion
A Portrait in Rebellion

First of all, Kim, let me say that it’s a dirty trick using what a man tells you in confidence against him on a public blog … and I applaud you for it.

But now I have to take back my applause back because I don’t know how else to show my disappointment with someone who’d rather watch 10 Things I Hate About You than Romeo and Juliet. You’d rather watch 10 Things I Hate About You than Romeo and Juliet. I’m not even sure what to do with a sentence like that except hope it’s actually some foreign language I’ve never seen before.

I’d like it written somewhere in the official record that Kim Jones – film critic, film fan, Film Fighter – likes 10 Things I Hate About You, a movie that stars Julia Stiles. Surely that’s got to be worth 15% of today’s vote in my favor.

As for that scene you chose to broadcast, I can’t decide if it’s a bigger slander on Shakespeare or Frankie Valli. I’m going to say Frankie Valli because Shakespeare can take care of himself and because Frankie Valli could use the press. And also because “Sherry” is a fantastic song. As is “Rag Doll.” And because I’m big enough to look past “Grease.”

To make matters worse, the scene takes place in a high school, and high school movies, I’ve decided, are the lowest rung of the cinema ladder, the dregs of the medium, right behind movies starring little kids. In fact, I think I could count the number of good high school movies on two hands if I had to.

Which I guess I now do:

Rushmore, Election, Rebel Without a Cause, Risky Business, Friday Night Lights, Back to the Future, Welcome to the Dollhouse, Blackboard Jungle, Dead Poets Society, Donnie Darko, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Dazed & Confused.

All right, two hands plus two fingers.

And I challenge you, and I challenge anyone reading this, to come up with any others. If anyone can make the argument that there are 10 more good high school movies out there, I’ll gladly concede today’s round; plus I’ll sing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” on the floor of the Texas State Senate dressed as Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club.

Which reminds me: John Hughes movies don’t count … because they’re John Hughes movies and you all need to grow up.

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