The AggreGAYtor: January 8

Megyn Kelly inoculates herself against aggressive gayness. (Screen shot from Fox News)

Megyn Kelly ponders the infinite, Michelangelo Signorile takes action, and Matt Dallas admits liking the XY. Today’s AggreGAYtor has exceeded its word count.

• Scandinavian death metal band SCOTUS will begin hearing arguments on the Prop 8 and DOMA cases in March. As usual, Justice Antonin Scalia will be readying an epic guitar solo that can kindly be described as “indulgent.”

• The ACLU has negotiated a settlement entitling former gay and lesbian service members booted by DADT full separation pay. I’m almost at an acronym per word count record, so what the hell, I'm just going to randomly insert BDSM. You draw your own connections, lazybones.

• Almost every news outlet is describing Gallaudet University’s rehiring of marriage equality opposing diversity officer Angela McCaskill as a “flap.” Gross.

• Rush Limbaugh, a squeezably soft batch of undercooked blood pudding, compares the marriage equality push to the normalization of pedophilia.

• An Alabaman student is behind bars after plotting to murder gay and black students.

• Although I agree with their basic criticism of Chuck Hagel, it's difficult to lend the Log Cabin Republicans any credence after they spent so much time dizzied by the musky delights of Mitt Romney's … umm, shall we say, "santorum?"

• Erudite Fox and Friends analyst Megyn Kelly (the “y” in her name means she’s seryous) pontificates on what it means to be “aggressively gay.”

• The Oregon Department of Consumer and Business Services extend protections to transgender insurance customers.

• A Queens transgender teacher is suing Catholic school after being fired for being “worse than gay.”

• A “coalition” of African-American ministers pressure Illinois legislators to reject marriage equality; saying that while they love the sinner, they hate the idea of that love manifesting itself in anything other than seething derision.

• Michelangelo Signorile is no stranger to conflict.

• The feral jackals over at the Washington Examiner hate truth more than a Nazi.

• The American Dialect Society vote “marriage equality” as the phrase “most likely to succeed” in 2012, which is just plain #weird.

• The Church of England officially adopts “no homo” as the policy for the ordination of gay bishops.

• A Cameroonian judge has dropped charges on two men imprisoned for “looking gay” and drinking Bailey’s Irish Cream.

• Meanwhile, China clears a closeted gay man of aiding in the suicide of his wife.

• Kyle XY star Matt Dallas (I know, I know, it's unnecessarily porny, but for real that’s his name) enters the homodome.

• Busy Philips, however, says that Michelle Williams and she only watch from the sidelines.

• Finally, Neil Patrick Harris will be pushing his gay agenda as the burliest straight dudes in the nation watch tight ends in tight pants compete tackle each other ritualistically – an event made not at all homotacular by a half-time Beyoncé.