The Austin Chronicle

The AggreGAYtor: December 19

By Brandon Watson, December 19, 2012, 11:45am, Qmmunity

Bret Easton Ellis culps his mea, Zac Posen makes it work, and Travis d'Arnaud makes a rookie mistake. Buy me some peanuts and cracker jack, today’s AggreGAYtor don’t care if it never gets back.

• Debate on a proposed law banning conversion therapy in New Jersey will begin in January. Opposition leader Marcus Bachmann, still panting after performing a quadruple death drop (the drag equivalent of the triple lindy) at the Miss Conversion pageant, declined to comment.

• The East Aurora School District in Illinois has dissolved the committee tasked with drafting transgender protections.

Helena yeah!

• The AIDS epidemic claimed two more noted people this week. Porn star Josh Weston has died at 39 and early ACT-UP spokesman Spencer Cox has died at 44.

• A Hunter College study has found a correlation between penis size and condom failure.

• San Francisco is warning gay men to get a meningitis vaccine before visiting NYC.

• A new company is looking to change the way that LGBT spend their money, because everyone knows that we are a spendthrift bunch who fritters all our cash away on Birkenstocks and piña coladas.

• Tel Aviv police have announced a breakthrough in a 2009 shooting at a gay youth center. Legendary detective Olivia Benson broke the case while running through her morning workout routine of tough but vulnerable poses.

• Thailand’s Ministry of Justice is commissioning a tusdy to investigate marriage equality. That previous “tusdy” is a typo but I’m going to leave it because I like the cut of its jib.

• Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar is promising a national policy to end LGBT discrimination.

• European football players are kinda fine. Also, they are kinda dicks.

• Newly signed Met Travis d'Arnaud lashes out at a minor leaguer by insulting his faggy Crocs, which are the least faggy shoes in existence.

• The Lesbian Gay Band Association will be marching in President Obama’s inauguration spectacular spectacular. The AggreGAYtor suggests a playlist of songs by lesbian Americans, if only because “Come to My Window” would be hilarious played on a tuba.

• After a prolonged (and luxurious) Brett Ratner fight scene, Zac Posen has strangled Michael Kors with ten yards of point d’esprit. The kingdom of Heidi is now his.

Bret Easton Ellis, a gargantuan deposit of sebum wrapped in an Armani suit, is sorry that his opinion of Kathryn Bigelow is skewed.


• Although James Franco’s obsession with gayitude started off as charming, I’m beginning to think that there is some strange family pathology going on after seeing brother Dave’s series of “gay sex is heeeelarious” videos.

• I should admit here that I am not immune to such juvenilia.

VIDEO BONUS: Bless her heart. - just in time to knock your stockings off the mantle, legendary chanteuse Lisa Gail Allred arrives with some tidings of comfort and joy . Her debut album lets you relive the internet all over again.

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