https://www.austinchronicle.com/daily/qmmunity/2012-12-07/the-aggregaytor-december-7/

The AggreGAYtor: December 7

By Brandon Watson, December 7, 2012, 12:15pm, Qmmunity

Rihanna tries out gay porn, Jim DeMint tries a new position, and Roger Goodell tries to regain composure. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve today’s AggreGAYtor.

• A marriage equality decision could come today as the Supremes meet again behind closed door. I still wouldn’t get my hopes up. John Roberts just got his copy of Call of Duty: Black Ops.

• Chirlane McCray, the wife of New York mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio, admits she was once a lesbian but now she’s strictly dickly. All those photos of Beyoncé on her computer are there because she likes her style. Yeah, that’s it.

• Tea-stained raisinette Jim DeMint resigns from Senate to run anti-gay think tank the Heritage Foundation.

• Two thirds of respondents in a new national poll think that anti-LGBT discrimination is a big deal.

• In a stunning dramatic reenactment of Morrissey’s “Hairdresser on Fire,” London stylist Lee Howett stabs a homophobic train passenger with his scissors.

• If the National Organization for Marriage doesn’t want to be seen as a rabid militia who time traveled from the Antebellum south, perhaps returning money from white supremacists would be a good start.

• Hahaha. The Liberty Council is trying to start a meme. Can’t wait to see this one on Buzzfeed.

• The members of Sweden’s Sörskogens IF football club have all been fired for hurling homophobic slurs at opposing team. Reportedly sales of Ikea’s Sörskogens planter are also slumping.

• Today in heartwarming, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell tears up as bullied gay brother describes him as his hero.

• New LDS website tries to convince gay Mormons to stay with the church.

• A senate panel has approved the nomination of openly lesbian judge Pamela Chen to the federal bench.

• Just as Notre Dame’s new LGBTQ student organization used all their seed money to order Crisco and vibrating appliances, the university tells them they will have to promote chastity.

• Meanwhile, Tulane’s student government body rejects LGBT liaison while snockered on jello shots.

• According to new research, bisexuals are more likely to report sexual orientation to doctors than their gay and lesbian counterparts.

• Sex is in the air and Rihanna likes the smell of it.

• Pop star ~~Ke&ha~~ ~~Ke@ha~~ Kesh$a, a stick of Fruit Stripe gum dipped in melted crayon and rolled in glitter, really wants to be a gay man.

• Ugandan rag Red Pepper publishes photos of football manager Chris Mubiru engaged in alleged gay sex.

• Arrests have been made in the brutal beating of Brazilian law student André Baliera.

VIDEO BONUS: Ru sure knows how to jingle them bells.