The AggreGAYtor: December 6

Your daily dose of LGBTQIA news

There are worse things they could do
There are worse things they could do (Screen shot from YouTube)

Marco Rubio gives a sound bite, Scott Evans rips from the headlines, and One Million Moms skip the commercials. Today’s AggreGAYtor has nothing better to do than to watch T.V. and have a couple of brews.

• Sparkly vampire Marco Rubio clarifies that he doesn’t judge filthy, perverted, sinful, wrongheaded homosexuals.

• Mexico’s Supreme Court rules that everyone must recognize same-sex marriages performed in the capital. Even you, Marco Rubio.

• Grumpy Discover Annapolis Tours owner Matt Grubbs, who I picture as the pitchfork wielding Calvinist in Grant Wood’s “American Gothic,” is mad that gay folks may want to discover Annapolis.

• Seattle’s plans for granting married gay employees an allowance to offset federal tax inequality has been postponed pending investigation of legality.

• White House sources claim that President Obama is considering openly gay Fred Hochberg for commerce secretary.

• Some sort of scandal involving out police officers and a councilman is bubbling in Phoenix, but I am more interested in probably doctored Olan Mills-like head shots that every city official seems to have. They’re so calming, like the first rays of light peeking out from storm clouds.

• Like a rising tide of vomit after an ill-advised drunken midnight snack, gaybashing cop Eliut Hazzi returns to the Miami Beach police force.

• Marriage equality clears the first legislative hurdle in Columbia.

• Naturally, the decision pissed off social conservatives. Politician Edgar Espindola celebrated by comparing marriage equality to necrophilia and bestiality. Talk about beating a dead horse.

• Although I am a fan of theatre of the absurd, I am growing a little weary at One Million Moms’ outrage over anything that vaguely has anything to do with gayness (what must they think of Skittles?) It’s not like JCP filmed a Christmas ad featuring Ellen reenacting The Exorcist’s cross masturbation scene with a candy cane.

• The parents of Michigan teen Josh Pacheco are blaming anti-gay bullying for his suicide.

• In other sad news, missing Georgia lesbian Lisa Lawson has been found dead.

Notre Dame University officially recognizes first LGBT support organization.

• Pretend gay cop Scott Evans calls his drug bust the “most ridiculous night of my life in LA so far.”

Bishop Desmond Tutu blasts Ugandan anti-gay bill.

• Daily Mail Sportswriter weirdly calls for English footballer Joey Barton to fake being gay. Although said sportswriter's knowledge of Lady Bunny seems to point the gaydar in another direction.

• In a secret location nestled in the rollicking hills of Andalusia, America’s brightest wingnuts are hard at work designing the next generation of homophobes.

• Queer R&B crooner Frank Ocean and staunch allies fun. dom the Grammy nominations. I still hate Willy Cartier.

• Beige praying mantis Taylor Swift resorts to plan ‘B” after One Direction spurns condom endorsement.

VIDEO BONUS: Here’s John Travolta trying his best to quell those gay rumors. It’s a little unconvincing if you ask me.

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News, Grammy Awards, Frank Ocean, fun., Marco Rubio, Marriage Equality, Mexico, Columbia, Hate Crime, Suicide, Bullying, Fred Hochberg, President Obama, One Million Moms, Religious Right, Joey Barton, John Travolta, Olivia Newton John

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