The Austin Chronicle

The AggreGAYtor: November 7

By Brandon Watson, November 7, 2012, 1:45pm, Qmmunity

Victoria Jackson sheds bitter tears, Nate Silver nails it, and President Obama knocks it out of the park. Today’s AggreGAYtor is proud to be an American.

• Did you guys know we had ourselves a good ole fashioned election last night? Let’s all revel in some Fox News schadenfreude. You mad, bro?

• Last night was like an Oprah's favorite things episode. Maryland became the first state to enact marriage equality through citizen vote.

• Followed by Maine.

• Followed by a Minnesotans rejecting a constitutional ban of same-sex marriage.

• Followed by Washington state voters confirming the marriage equality legislation signed earlier this year.

• Have you lost your shit yet? The queerapalooza doesn’t stop there. Tammy Baldwin became our first out senator.

Kyrsten Sinema became the first openly bisexual member of the House.

• And every out Democrat won their congressional seats. Every single dang candidate!

• But wait…there’s more! Voters largely shot down some of the most anti-equality and anti-women candidates. That group includes team rape co-captians Richard Mourdock and Todd Akin, overgrown Zack Morris Scott Brown, and the suggestively named Linda Lingle – the woman who blocked marriage equality in Hawaii.

• It even gets better! Iowa decides to keep Justice David Wiggins, who the Tea Party targeted for recall after his same-sex marriage decision.

• Want even more, greedy gums? Troy Michigan Mayor Janice Daniels, who stopped using her “I Love New York” tote bag because “queers can get married there,” was recalled.

• Break out the confetti cannon, it’s a celebration! I hope this is what Nate Silver was doing last night.

• Not everyone is dancing in the streets. Criminally insane American Girl Doll Victoria Jackson had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

• Moving on. Ed Allebest’s exhaustive field research into the sexual habits of gay folk, conducted mostly while peeking through ornamental shrubs, has lead him to believe queers sleep around too much to deserve rights.

First responder cosplay enthusiast Kirk Cameron has been busy sandbagging to “hold back the flood of moral and spiritual evil that has been pouring into the country.”

• WorldNetDaily columnist Mychal Massie, pictured at the link, calls Barack and Michelle Obama “the fruit of Satan.” Juicy!

• San Antonio mega preacher John Hagee, the chemical byproduct of Robin Williams’ performance in Flubber, says gay equality is a “demonic force attacking our nation.” Sort of like Gozer the Gozerian.

• California’s measure B, which requires condoms for porn performers in LA County, passed by wide margin.

• Speaking of condoms, Durex has its own theory about why Obama won last night.

• The BBC are having to eat their shorts after censoring the word “gay” from Simpsons broadcast.

• Trans Kuwaitis keep on keeping on in a country where daily chores present danger.

• Same-sex marriage survives judicial challenge in Spain, but fails to pass in Slovakia.

• Floppy eared jackrabbit Louis Tomlinson of teen dreams One Direction is exposing the “conspiracy” to label him gay. I warned Lance Bass not to take it too far.

• America’s Next Top Model stunner Isis King is starting her own fashion line.

Pete Gallego perseveres against homophobic challenger in West Texas congressional race.

• Alas, all things can’t be peachy. Ann Johnson was not able to become second out Texas House member.

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