The Austin Chronicle

The AggreGAYtor: November 5

By Brandon Watson, November 5, 2012, 2:45pm, Qmmunity

Evan Rachel Wood refuses to change, Marco Rubio does the robot, and Julie Brown takes on an eighties lady. Today’s AggreGAYtor crowns thy good with brotherhood.

Chris Kluwe gives further fodder to those who wish he would just switch teams already.

Marco Rubio, the GOP’s answer to Davis Cassidy, is making positively dreamy robocalls for NOM.

• Things might get awkward at Ohio senate candidate Josh Mandel’s next family reunion.

• Trans Utah drivers face widespread discrimination in getting driver’s licenses.

• Japan court refuses to recognize trans father.

• Lifting one eyebrow over his International Male catalog in a perfect Bette Davis arch, Papa Joe Simpson denies those pesky gay rumors.

• The rise in support for same sex couples can be directly attributed to the tireless advocacy work of Honey Boo Boo.

• Yes Virginia, there is a President Obama.

• Viral video shows beating of alleged gay man by Jamaican security guards.

• Canadian LGBTQIA advocates are trying to stop the deportation of Grenadian gay man, who faces death in his home country.

• Although Evan Rachel Wood did acquire certain alchemical powers by marrying Jamie Bell, she is still not able to transmutate her bisexuality. She does, however, now have a surfeit of jewelry.

• New Family Research Council ad implies that President Obama is totally bro-mo for Dan Savage.

• Today’s GOP: putting the “assy” in “classy.”

• West Seattle assailant will be charged with hate crime for beating gay man with baseball bat.

Bristol Palin, a defective Swiffer WetJet given human form through black magic, wins a defamation lawsuit against gay man.

• Rhode Island House Speaker Gordon Fox promises a vote on marriage equality by the end of January.

• The AggreGAYtor hopes that other 80’s comedy heroines join Julie Brown in mocking Victoria Jackson, but that’s really just an attempt to get Judy Tenuta and Rita Rudner in the same room.

• A clear majority of Grindr’s headless torsos are voting for Obama this year, which undoubtedly will cause some ruckus given several new voter ID laws.

• “Thug” porn purveyor "Flava Works" is not dicking around with bittorrent pirates.

• Newest Minnesota poll numbers point to loss for gay marriage ban.

• New York’s Ali Forney youth shelter is among the casualties of Hurricane Sandy. Sandy has officially fucked with the wrong person.

• The National Organization for Marriage backtracks on member’s recent statement that queers are “worthy of death,” clarifying that they really don’t think gays are worthy of anything.

• Massachusetts state senatorial candidate Sandi Martinez tries her hand at concern trolling.

• Ex-gay group PFOX leader Greg Quinlan, more commonly known as Manhunt lurker “Sugarbear54,” has lost many hours of sleep worrying about the loss of “heterosexual rights.”

Andrew Shirvell, the rabid former Michigan assistant attorney general who gained national attention for harassing UM’s gay student body president, is getting unemployment. Judge Paula Manderfield explains that he was fired for “constitutionally protected speech.”

• Faced with diminishing returns on their homophobia, wingnuts are increasingly zeroing in their hate beams on the transgender community.

• Exhibit A: Check out the tone contrast between Fox News and a local news site’s reporting of the Evergreen College transgender controversy. Disgraceful.

• Exhibit B: Tea Party group True the Vote are training volunteers to suppress the transgender vote. Disgusting.

• Have you had lunch yet today? Has it been digested? Are you sitting? Yes, yes? OK – here’s the “unofficial” Justin Bieber sex doll.

• Equality Texas names Chuck Smith as new executive director.

• Despite the vocal protests of the Harper Valley PTA, the show will go on at the Wimberly Playhouse. Sordid Lives playwright Del Shores will even be on hand for a Q & A.

• Tomorrow night more than two dozen LGBTQIA organizations will be furtively watching the big screens at Rusty’s hoping they will never have to say “President Romney.”

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