The Austin Chronicle

The AggreGAYtor: September 4

By Brandon Watson, September 4, 2012, 1:20pm, Qmmunity

John Sununu says it's complicated, Aaron Schock is in denial, and Jennifer Lopez upsets some mean mothers. Today's AggreGAYtor is fooled by the rocks that you got.

• Faded lip gloss stain Victoria Jackson lurvs her gay friends, has a boner for Todd Akin.

• Gay teen suspended for bringing stun gun to class sues school district for failing to stop bullying.

• Romney campaign chair John Sununu claims same-sex marriage is too complicated to discuss. Sununu also declines to discuss string theory, Being John Malkovich, and the appeal of Shia LaBeouf. Wakka wakka!

Pia Sundhage, the out coach of the US women's soccer team, resigns. The AggreGAYtor will admit that including this item is just an excuse to type the name Megan Rapinoe. It's like a mantra. Ra-pi-noe. Raaa-piiiii-nooooee.

Stevie Wonder apologizes for recent statements about gay people being confused.

David Koch's support for marriage equality kind of ruins the whole thing.

• Republican Congressman Aaron Schock denies he's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, despite recent stroll through Tampa's gayborhood. He does like to shop, Mitt. And the boy can dress.

• Clogged colostomy bag Bryan Fischer is now blaming lesbians for breast cancer.

• Nine preachers were arrested for anti-gay harassment at Southern Decadence.

GLAAD's Network Responsibility Index gives high marks to CW, Showtime and ABC Family. Despite housing the totally inclusive, intellectually challenging trailblazer Two and Half Men, CBS is still failing. Go figure.

• Best FLOTUS ever Michelle Obama will headline LGBTQ luncheon.

• Wacky sketch comedy troupe One Million Moms takes on J-Lo's lesbian drama.

Vogue Magazine web surrogate exclaims "Lesbians! They're everywhere."

Barbra Casbar Siperstein becomes first elected transgender member of Democratic National Committee. Hats off!

• California study reveals two thirds of transgender individuals have contemplated suicide.

Micky Ward of The Fighter fame withdraws Scott Brown endorsement over marriage equality stance.

• Indiana couple invite same sex couples to have first dance at their wedding.

• Noted chicken butt Dan Cathy attempts to get some positive PR by meeting with LGBTQ groups.

• The far-right take the "I am rubber, you are glue" strategy in re-framing Regnerus study controversy as an attack on science. Takes one to know one.

• The AggreGAYtor reminds you to vote in the most important election of all time ™.

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