Ask the Best Straight Girlfriend

Warning: ALTRFW! (A little too racy to open at work)

Ask the Best Straight Girlfriend

Every straight girl has a fantasy. It centers around a man with deep soulful eyes. He is funny, he is kind, he will cheerfully accompany you to shop for a new pair of shoes. He is your best, gay friend.

I used to long to have my very own gay. For a long time I could never meet the right man. I lamented over the lack of available gay guys to my girlfriends.

"All the good ones are taken," they would nod, because women don't share their gays willingly. You have never seen a catfight over a man get more vicious than when girls are fighting over who is a gay guy's best friend.

It only got worse after Will & Grace came out Eventually, I found true love with a sporty, young tennis player named Matt. He wasn't perfect (he isn't true to stereotype… hates shopping) but he was, I thought, the funniest person alive. And we had that chemistry – the kind of connection that sparked in the first five minutes, promising to last a lifetime.

Our fairytale story had a tragic twist: Matt moved to Japan to teach English three years ago. Because I am loyal and true, I will not look for another best gay guy friend, but the hole in my life is there, and I miss him. We talk on the phone, but it isn't the same as before – lying on the couch, my feet over his, dishing about last night's date ("His dick curved around! I swear it twisted like a pig's tail!") drinking Bloody Marys while we watched American Idol.

Since Matt has gone off to the Orient to have his own adventure, I offer myself up to you, Austin, to be your BSG – Best Straight Girlfriend. Send me your questions about sex, dating, and 'Why do Straight People do that?' Chances are, if I didn't actually have the experience in question before I became blissfully wedded, one of my slutty girlfriends did – although I can't promise I can answer every question about the behavior of the straights. God knows they confuse me most of the time.

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

More Sex
The Snail on the Bottom Turns Into a Female
The Snail on the Bottom Turns Into a Female
Weird sexy crafty times with Isabella Rossellini

Andy Campbell, Jan. 25, 2011

Dear BSG: Am I Gay?
Dear BSG: Am I Gay?
Best Straight Girlfriend shoots straighter than you ever will (NSFW!)

Claire Harrison, May 21, 2010

More by Claire Harrison
Mississippi: GODDAMN!
Mississippi: GODDAMN!
New blogger Claire goes off on the prom fracas in MS.

April 7, 2010

Stella Blue Is in the Pink
Stella Blue Is in the Pink
New salon to hold grand opening, Thursday, April 1

March 31, 2010


Sex, Best Straight Girlfriend, fantasy, Austin gay, straight, gay, gangbang, marriage, normal, best gay friend, advice

One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Updates for SXSW 2019

All questions answered (satisfaction not guaranteed)

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle