The Austin Chronicle

Daily Affirmation: Hooking Up With Tila Tequila

By Andy Campbell, December 18, 2008, 10:49am, Qmmunity

So Cindy Widner is a genius, or at least she recognizes my love for pure and unadulterated cultural detritus. How did she know I loved the hit MTV bisexual reality dating show, A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila? How did she know that I cried myself to sleep with joy and repulsion after every episode? How did she know I'd want my very own copy of Tila Tequila's new book (ghost-written by journalist Sarah Tomlinson), Hooking Up With Tila Tequila? Some things are just mysteries, I suppose. Cindy left a copy of the book, and I use that word loosely, for me at the Chronicle office. The following is a dramatization of the moment of retrieval…

The Setting: The Chronicle building
The Time: Just after lunch

Cute front-desk boy (CFDB): Hello, can I help you?
Me: Um… Yeah… I think someone left me a book to pick up.
CFDB: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, it should be a pretty trashy book
CFDB: Ooooooooh. Yes! Here it is! (Smiles and hands me Tila Tequila's book)
Me: Oh, ok, thanks. See you.
CFDB: Yeah. You have fun.

Chekov wishes he could've written that gem. Yeah, suck it, Anton Chekov.

Anyway, so I love the book. And by love I mean I read it with condoms on my hands, so as to avoid any STDs. But really, it is an entertaining read, and I recommend it for any white elephant gift exchange you may be attending in the near future. I promise it will be the most coveted item of the party, and thus making you the most popular person. All I care about is your popularity.

In the weeks to come I will share snippets of this literary accomplishment in the form of daily affirmations. Each affirmation will be cited with page number, so you can follow along in your copy. Were I Oprah, this would be the moment I announce that you all get a free copy of the book for free.

But I'm not Oprah. Am I?

Daily Affirmation #1:
We need haters. If you don't have one, go hire one. Seriously, dude. Without haters, you'll never amount to anything. (Ch. 2: Haters, p. 19)

Amen, sister Nguyen!

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