Some people just can't be happy for anyone.

Local professional surly cuss John Kelso started his week off complaining about the fact that the city of Austin decided to become a South by Southwest sponsor and waive the costs to the city of hosting the Festival - like they do for lots of events.

The average, everyday, "just like reg'lar folks" Johnny-boy (who recently turned his column into a round-about way of bragging that he drives that most blue-collar of vehicles, a Lexus) seems to believe that our beloved leader, Louis Black, dines on foie gras, probably paid for from the city sponsorship. Maybe John thinks it gets delivered by his own boss, Rich "I Blew $70,000 on a Boat" Oppel.

Now it's beneath us to really get into it with John (it's beneath everyone, really), but it's probably best that we clarify something for his readership. There's not one fridge here at Chronicle towers, but two. One is where the staff gets to keep lunch nicely chilled. The other is usually stuffed to bursting with cold cuts, snacks, and nibbles for the staff provided by … guess who? I'll give you a clue, it's not John Kelso. By the way, never seen any foie gras in there, Johnny-boy.

But just to cheer everyone up, here's a picture of two people promoting Eagle vs. Shark, which screens at 6pm this Friday at the Alamo Downtown.

Arguably Texas’ best-known drug war casualty, Tyrone Brown will soon be released from prison on the terms of a conditional pardon issued by Gov. Rick Perry last week.
Brown was 17 years old when he took part in an armed robbery 17 years ago; no one was injured, and Brown was initially given probation for his role in the crime. However, when a drug test came back positive for marijuana, Brown’s probation was revoked and Dallas Co. District Judge Keith Dean sentenced him to life in prison. Dean’s actions came into question after The Dallas Morning News reported that the judge’s treatment of Brown was far different than his treatment of well-connected murdered John Alexander Wood, who Dean allowed to stay on probation even after Wood repeatedly tested positive for cocaine use – Wood was even allowed to quit taking the drug tests.
The disparity in treatment – which Dean has, to date, declined to explain – prompted a grassroots campaign to free Brown. Finally, on March 9, with the support of the Board of Pardons and Paroles, the Dallas Co. District Attorney’s Office and Judge Dean, Perry granted Brown a conditional pardon, meaning Brown will have to meet several requirements – that he live with his mother, Nora, report to a parole officer, get a job, and see a therapist – in order to remain free. Perry declined to grant a full pardon, which the BPP reportedly recommended.

When the Olympic Torch Relay came through Juneau, Alaska, in 2002, high school senior Joseph Frederick was ready: as the relay passed through the neighborhood Frederick stood on the sidewalk – not school property – and unfurled a large banner that read “Bong Hits 4 Jesus.” What, exactly, that meant is open to interpretation. Could it be that he was referring to the history of Cannabis and its contemporary relation to Jesus? Maybe. Could it be that he was just giving a shout out to God’s Son? Sure. Could it be that he was simply looking to get on TV? Absolutely.

In the end, it doesn’t really matter what he meant, because school principal Deborah Morse didn’t bother to ask before walking up to him, demanding he lower the sign. She then snatched it from his hands when he refused to comply. Back at school, Morse suspended Frederick for five days for an alleged violation of the school’s zero-tolerance, anti-drug policy. Confronted with that punishment, Frederick pulled a little Thomas Jefferson on the principal, explaining that he was simply exercising his right of free speech. That didn’t go over so well and, without any other reason, Morse increased Frederick’s suspension to 10 days. Frederick cried foul and with the support of the ACLU of Alaska, sued the school for censorship. The district court ruled against him – ruling that his BH4J sign “directly contravened” school board policies “relating to drug abuse prevention,” (even though that makes no real logical sense), but the 9 th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals reversed, agreeing that the school had violated his right to free speech. High school principal Morse – represented by former government attorney-whore Kenneth Starr, no less – appealed to the Supreme Court, which is set to hear the case on March 19.

The premiere at the Paramount last night of What Would Jesus Buy?, a feature-length doc about performance artist-cum-prophet the Rev. Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping was amazing for several reasons. The first of which being simply how awesome the flick was, following Billy from his NYC base through the heartland in December to protest the commercialization of Christmas and our unsustainable, consumption-driven society with humor and direct action. But just as sweet was the good reverend and his choir's spirited performance and Q&A after the screening. The last question of the evening came from a young man in the balcony (producer Morgan Spurlock was the first moderator I've seen pick the cheap seats). To paraphrase, he said, "Reverend Billy, we've got a Wal-Mart coming to Austin. Will you come back and help us?"

"We will return!" boomed Billy. "[We'll fight] the Wal-Mart coming to Northcross! We will be sweat free!" he screamed to the shrieking audience.

So good to know the reverend's on top of everything.

Getting around town greenly just got a bit easier. Capital Metro has teamed up with Google to roll out a handy dandy public-transit trip planner – just in time for South by Southwest, which itself turned over a new, bright-green leaf this year, going carbon neutral among other eco-reforms. The planner, at www.google.com/transit, operates almost identically to a Google Maps' driving-directions search, but when you enter your starting point, destination, and desired arrival time, the planner accesses Cap Metro bus schedules and provides you with the best route(s), nearest stop, precise walking instructions once you get off the bus, and detailed estimates of how much time each step will take (similar to the Trip Planner found on Capital Metro's Web site but with maps to help you visualize the trip better). But perhaps its most enlightening feature is the planner's ability to calculate your public-transit trips' cost compared to driving. Google's figure is based on the 44-cents-per-mile IRS operating-cost estimate and doesn't account for tolls, parking fees, or excessive gas-guzzlers. Cap Metro trips currently cost 50 cents (or $1 for an all-day pass). Cap Metro is one of only 10 cities nationwide currently partnering with Google Transit.

During SXSW, Cap Metro is also offering free 'Dillo service throughout Downtown, shuttles to and from the free concerts at Auditorium Shores, and its usual Night Owl routes. If your public-transit plans go awry (warning: the computer's trip-planning software occasionally is a bit off), you can always call Cap Metro's Go-Line for assistance at 474-1200.

And now for another ditty from the Inequities of the Drug War File: According to a study soon to be published in the journal Criminology and Public Policy, African-Americans and Hispanics in New York City are far, far more likely to be arrested and convicted of minor pot-related offenses than are their white counterparts.

Investigators from NYC’s National Development Research Institute, a substance abuse issues think-tank, looked at pot arrest data covering 26 years (from 1980-2006) and discovered that a full 85% of those arrested for the most minor crimes – like toking up in public – were black or Hispanic. Together, those two groups make up about 50% of the city population.

According to the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, citywide, arrests for public smoking rose from less than 1,000 in 1980 to more than 51,000 in 2001; in 2006, NYC cops arrested some 32,000 people for smoking in public – 87% of them were black or Hispanic.

Stop the presses: A new study from University of Hawaii economist Lawrence Boyd finds that the state could save millions and make millions by legalizing marijuana.

Okay, maybe that’s not entirely shocking news, but its always interesting to see the cold-hard numbers. To wit: Boyd’s study, published last week, found that by legalizing pot and instituting a tax-and-regulate scheme similar to that used to control alcohol and tobacco, Hawaii could save up to $10 million per year in law enforcement costs, and would generate up to $23 million per year in revenue. Boyd notes that the price of a good ounce of pot dropped 12% between 1994 and 2003, which suggests that law enforcement efforts haven’t exactly worked – indeed, since 65% of Hawaii's pot possession beefs are dismissed before going to court, it seems obvious that the bulk of the pot-busting pot goes to cops, but without any tremendous pay-off: “[B]ans create black markets, encourage illegal activities, and may result in harm to innocent victims.” Now there’s an understatement.

Boyd also notes that nationwide, the burden of incarcerating low-level drug offenders is taking its toll: while there were just 24,000 drug offenders behind bars in 1980, that population exploded to 400,000 inmates by 2004. However, during the same time period, Boyd writes, there was “virtually no increase in [incarceration of] other types of offenders.” As a result prisons have become more overcrowded, leading to – surprise, surprise! – a reduction in the lengths of sentences imposed on other offenders – including violent offenders.
But, seriously, the drug war is worth it, right?

Bob Dylan loves Texas. He was good friends with Doug Sahm, has toured with Willie Nelson several times, and seems to have employed half the Austin music scene in his band at one time or another: Charlie Sexton, Denny Freeman, Augie Meyers, Elana James. TCB pal, dynamite gal, and Austin Music Awards backstage doyenne Darcie Fromholz worked as a PA on his minor-league ballpark tour last summer. Hi, Darcie!

So it was probably inevitable that Dylan's XM radio show Theme Time Radio Hour would get around to Texas, and it's no accident he did it in March, the season of Texas Independence Day, rodeos, wildflowers (soon enough, anyway), and SXSW. With his vast mysterious archives, Dylan could fill up three or four shows with songs about Texas, at least, but for this one, he chose nothing but the good stuff: Larry Davis' original "Texas Flood," an ancient clip of Jimmie Rodgers and the Carter Family singing "T for Texas," Hawaiian steel guitar giant King Nawahi & the Hawaiians' "Under a Texas Moon."

Dylan seasons his show with all sorts of Texana: Los Lobos' David Hidalgo talking about conjunto pioneer Don Santiago Jimenez (father of Santiago Jr. and Flaco), a clip from Giant, fun facts about Lady Bird Johnson, Houston founders the Allen brothers, Peacock Records founder Don Robey, and Texasisms like "a worm is the only animal that can't fall down." Thanks, Bob. Come back anytime.

Theme Time repeats 5pm tomorrow on XM channel 40, and Dylan's playlist is after the jump.

The Joint Select Committee on Operation and Management of the Texas Youth Commission will be holding its first meeting today at 1:30pm in Room E-1.036, in the underground extension of the Capitol. Invited testimony only, and there's no word yet on who will be speaking out today or how far they’ll get in sorting out the horrors of the TYC. With Sen. Juan Hinojosa, D-Mission, (the man who first took TYC to task on the Lege record in early February) and Rep. Debbie "String 'Em Up" Riddle, R-Tomball, asking the questions, no one's expecting too much soft-pedaling.

Maybe, however, they'll listen to fellow committee member Rep. Sylvester Turner, D-Houston, who has made possibly the wisest suggestion so far. The problem isn’t staff; it’s the whole system of shipping mostly city-living kids to the furthest reaches of the state, where they are deprived of contact with family and, importantly, any real form of state oversight. He’s calling for an end to the underage Cool Hand Luke fantasy that TYC has inflicted on the state and a replacement of these desert penal colonies with smaller facilities, nearer to the cities and closer to where supportive family members can become involved in the rehabilitation of inmates. Better yet, he suggests, why not try crazy plans like, oh, trying to make sure that at-risk kids don't become offenders in the first place.

Want some scary stats? In 2006, the average young offender sent to a TYC facility was 16 years and 2 months old, had an IQ of 88, and had only completed eighth grade with sixth-grade-level reading skills and fifth-grade math skills.