News Ticker: October 30

Joe Biden visits Austin, Wendy Davis does her own thing, and Greg Abbott self-promotes. Tourism is on the News Ticker.

• Maybe its the looming specter of All Hallows' Eve or mass hysteria caused by the mysterious wetness in the air, but Texans are losing their goddam minds. First up is Sen. Dan Patrick, whose most recent ad buy has his face popping up on über-progressive website Daily Kos. Maybe if midnight surfers are really drunk, they'll think it's Barney Frank.

• Meanwhile, Peggy Fikac devoted column space to the fact that Sen. Wendy Davis will not be in Austin for VP Joe Biden's visit to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Those confirmed as also not attending include Pope Francis, the Bee Girl from that Blind Melon video, Waylon Flowers, and Madame.

• Atty. Gen. Greg Abbott, who will also not be attending, did take a moment to thank Biden before launching into another missive about how cool he is with the ladies. Like, there was this one time that Abbott said the Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Company had "no duty" to screen out violent rapists from employment. Beat that, Joe!

• Lite Guv David Dewhurst has started a petition to demand that President Barack Obama reimburse Texas for all the money spent on border security. That could buy us a whole new Astrodome. Go get 'em Dew!

• Over in the Twitterverse, Justin Keener of lobby firm Granite Public Affairs used some dope language to highlight a particularly fly job listing. If he keeps this up, he might just land at Def Jam.

Cool gig for conservative comms peeps (& it's in Vegas): MT @NevadaPolicyRI: We’re looking for a comms director: http://t.co/otZt3jKbKH

— Justin Keener (@JustinKeener) October 30, 2013

• The voter ID law keeps claiming high-profile victims in its hellish dervish. First Davis was forced to sign an affidavit, then Abbott, and now Sen. Leticia Van de Putte has been snagged.

Voted today. Sure enough, DL did not match voter roll. Had to sign affidavit & form to drop maiden name to match DL to roll #TXLege #VoterID

— Leticia Van De Putte (@leticiavdp) October 30, 2013

• Today in Ted Cruz, the senator is headed to South Carolina to meet with evangelical Christian leaders. Activities will include the laying of hands, a WWJD brainstorming exercise, and a good group belly laugh over that time they called Amy Grant a strumpet.

• In a startling expose of the inside machinations of politics, totally neutral truth-telling website Hardhatters reveals that sometimes Texas Democrats get bills passed. We know. It's almost unbearably shocking.

• Judge Cathy Cochran has invalidated a Texas law that prohibited sexually explicit adult/minor internet communications. Cochran argued that the law unintentionally covered a "whole cornucopia of 'titillating talk.'"

• Texas Tech has debuted new football uniforms for its upcoming game against Kansas State. The sleek togs combine the mystery of Daft Punk with the hearty conviviality of Mike Singletary circa the "Superbowl Shuffle."

• A Philadelphia design group thinks the Texas flag could use a lot more star and a little less stripes. We can't wait until they see our redesign of the Liberty Bell.

• Regent Wallace Hall says he is willing to testify at his impeachment hearing, but first he wants the protection of a subpoena. He then will file an open records request for all documents related to his subpoena, subpoenas in general, and the 2011 Wim Wenders' documentary Pina.