News Ticker: October 18

All the news that's fit to blog

News Ticker: October 18
by John Anderson

Ted Cruz continues his temper tantrum, John Cornyn gets in on the act, and David Dewhurst says it with flowers. Anaphylaxis is on the News Ticker.

• Texas has made the cover of Time magazine. That puts us in the illustrious company of a possibly dead God, a digitally darkened O.J. Simpson, and Adolph Hitler. Looks like we made it.

• As conservatives vow to keep fighting the Affordable Care Act, it is increasingly clear that our democracy has become a very long screening of Groundhog Day.

• Although most Americans regard Sen. Ted Cruz less favorably than a flat glass of New Coke, that has not stopped his constant slinking about the nation's news crawls. Fresh off his extended Obamacare hissy fit, Cruz has blocked Tom Wheeler's confirmation as the Federal Communications Commission chair.

• Meanwhile, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is casting aspersions on Cruz's asparagus.

• The senator is also facing ethics concerns for his failure to disclose his links to Caribbean holding company. No more love on the run, Ted.

• As difficult as it is to believe, Texas does have another U.S. senator. Perhaps jealous of all Cruz's squawk blocking, John Cornyn has expressed concerns about Secretary of Homeland Security nominee Jeh Johnson. It's unclear, however, whether Cornyn's choice of Walker: Texas Ranger will be any better.

• Despite voting not to end the shutdown, and frequently opining that Obamacare is icky, Cornyn has drawn a Tea Party primary challenger. Unfortunately, Eric Wyatt has blown his entire $25 campaign budget on his "God-given right" to have a pizza party.

• Away from Washington, the Texas statewide campaigns are heating up. Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst is trying to bribe the Texas Federation of Republican Women with yellow roses, even though poor Imogene is deadly allergic and will probably have to reach for her EpiPen between the garden salad and Chicken Kiev.

• Rep. Harvey Hilderbran was quick to point out that Comptroller Susan Combs' endorsement of Sen. Glenn Hegar really isn't all that special. Hilderbran reminds that she also raved about Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, which never really got good until the ending.

• Both former state Rep. Tommy Merritt and Kinky Friedman announced their candidacies for agriculture commissioner this week, proving once again that Texas politics is just like checkers, just without all those pesky black squares.

• The Young Conservatives of Texas have released their scorecard for the 83rd legislature in case you had any lingering feelings of goodwill towards today's youth.

• Rep. Randy Neugebauer is continuing to acknowledge that his screen test may not help him land any roles.

Sunday has been declared Austin Reuse Day. We're celebrating by turning today's Statesman into a whimsical piñata, although that may be more accurately be described as the first use.

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News, Ted Cruz, John Cornyn, Time Magazine, Tom Wheeler, Harry Reid, Jeh Johnson, Tea Party, Eric Wyatt, David Dewhurst, Texas Federation of Republican Women, Harvey Hilderbran, Susan Combs, Glenn Hegar, Tommy Merritt, Kinky Friedman, Young Conservatives of Texas, Randy Neugebauer, Austin Reuse Day, 2014 Election

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