News Ticker: July 3

All the news that's fit to blog

News Ticker: July 3
by Gage Skidmore

Rick Perry plans an intimate evening, John Cornyn makes no impression, and Kirk Watson shows off his moves. Freedom is on the News Ticker.

• Various city agencies are celebrating our nation's freedom with a series of bans. The Travis County Commissioners Court voted to put the burn ban back in place, dousing the spirit of at least one annual event. "Betsy Ross: A Celebration in Gasoline-Soaked Rags" just won't seem the same.

• Meanwhile, the Austin Police Department Parks and Lake Patrol Unit are banning personal watercraft, motorized surfboards, and wet bikes on Lake Austin. The decision is final no matter how cool Spuds MacKenzie looks on a SeaDoo.

• It would also be apropos to remind everyone that it's also a "no-refusal" weekend, but most of the News Ticker's readers shouldn't be operating a vehicle anyway.

Barton Springs Pool, however, will be open on the Fourth – which is really what the Revolutionary War was all about.

• Since Sen. Wendy Davis' Mizuno Wave Rider shoes became national news, other forms of footwear have been getting a little jealous. Frankly, we're tired of the endless stream of selfies.

• Gee whiz! Just when you thought all possible angles had been explored related to Sen. Davis' filibuster, one news outlet proves things can get a little more intimate.

• Insiders are speculating that the guest list to one of Gov. Rick Perry's famous candlelight suppers could reveal his presidential ambitions. We just hope this time he remembers the eggs in his cherry tomato frittata. It only has three ingredients, Rick!

• Speaking of old mousse knuckle, he has traded in his gilded finery for more workaday blue pro-life rubber.

• A new Public Policy Polling poll reveals that everyone in Texas is on the fence about Sen. John Cornyn. He's sort of like that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond you keep in the background while scrolling through a Buzzfeed list of the world's 12 deadliest ocelots.

• Sen Kirk Watson is pushing Health and Human Service Committee Chair Sen. Jane Nelson to consider having statewide hearings on the omnibus abortion legislation. That means you'll probably have to keep wearing orange, no matter how unflattering. We've found it washes us out less when we use a little bronzer.

• Speaking of Team Orange, the right has shifted from calling pro-choicers an "unruly mob" to communists to, now, Satanists. Satan himself refuses to claim the new admirers, having retired some time ago in Florida.

• The 2014 primaries turned up to 11 today with Ted Nugent announcing a possible presidential run.

Travel and Leisure magazine ranked Austin as one of the snobbiest cities in the U.S. We would comment, but that's so beneath us.

• Lastly, here's everything you need to know about tomorrow's Lady Bird Lake fireworks extravaganza. Have a safe Fourth and try not to make any news before Monday.

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

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News, Rick Perry, Wendy Davis, John Cornyn, Austin Police Department, Travis county burn ban, Kirk Watson, Jane Nelson, Ted Nugent

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