News Ticker: June 12

FEMA makes new enemies, Rick Perry poisons the Big Apple, and Joe Biden tells a scary story. Intimidation is on the News Ticker.

• This morning news broke that FEMA has denied additional funding for rebuilding efforts in West, Texas. In other news, a group of FEMA officials expressed serious doubts about the origin of this morning's poppy seed kolache filling.

• For a refreshing change of pace, here's some news from a cellular provider that has nothing to with shadowy government operatives.

• Austin's Art in Public Spaces has released a call for artwork for the Austin-Bergstrom Terminal East Infill Project. Our own submission, a pointillist mural submerged in three tons of glistening scrapple, was promptly rejected.

• According to local non-profit E3 Alliance, illnesses and family emergencies are among the top reasons why Central Texas students miss school. We were always worried about the effect of the generation's cartoon character toys, but we're still sad to see Millennials have no imagination.

• In their continued effort to make the YouTube commerati appear to be elder statesmen, several Twidiots wasted 117 characters decrying young Mariachi sensation Sebastien de la Cruz for singing of the national anthem at last night's Spurs game.

• At its annual meeting, the Southern Baptist Convention officially denounced the Boy Scouts of America for allowing gay youth. As a follow-up move, the group will debate changing the lyrics to "Jesus Loves the Little Children" to be less inclusive.

• Texas Monthly this morning released its annual list of the best and worst state legislators. In a surprise move, they decided that Comptroller Susan Combs is so awful that she needn't be an actual lawmaker to "win."

• With uncharacteristic candor, New York State this morning announced that it is recording an "It Gets Better" video for other states personally victimized by Texas Gov. Rick Perry.

• Vice President Joe Biden said at a Boston fundraiser that Tea Party Sens. Ted Cruz and Rand Paul make other Senate Republicans "cower." Although we would like to think the fear is based on the dynamic duo's bullying ways, it's probably just a matter of appearance. In the dim lighting of committee rooms, Cruz is said to be a dead ringer for Nosferatu.