News Ticker: May 16

All the news that's fit to blog

Randy Travis is no Naomi Judd
Randy Travis is no Naomi Judd

Steve Hotze panics at the disco, Louie Gohmert flips his lid, and Randy Travis gets litigious. Palpitations are on the News Ticker.

• Here is a handy guide on ways to help victims of the devastating Dallas-area tornadoes.

• Investigators are said to have whittled down the possible causes of the West Fertilizer explosion to a golf cart, an electrical fire, or a criminal act. Although it may seem that the investigation has not been fruitful, they have ruled out Drew Barrymore's pyrokenesis.

• Austin's Franklin Barbecue has topped Texas Monthly's list of the "best barbecue joints in the world." Austinites will never be able to eat there again.

• Rep. Louie Gohmert, a "Balloon-a-Blast" clown escaped from the carnival, is furious about A.G. Eric Holder's defamation of his vegetables.

• He may have white hair and dealings with a certain "wormtongue," but Sen. John Cornyn should be reminded that an obsession with not letting people pass does not make one Gandalf.

• Speaking of Cornyn, at least the "corn" part of his name is right. Hey-oh!

• Although we enjoy Veronica Zaragovia's Lege reporting for KUT, we are a little skeeved out by the accompanying photo to her story on a failed term limits bill. We know becoming part of the story is generally pooh-poohed by journalistic types, but Rep. Senfronia Thompson clearly needed some help. Where's the humanity Ms. Zaragovia?

• Musical legend Randy Travis is suing the Texas Department of Public Safety for leaking irrefutable proof that his life is a country song.

• Dude! We can't wait to hear GOP mega-donor Dr. Steve Hotze's set at the Electric Daisy Carnival. Those Skrillex remixes are sick.

• Rep. Matt Krause – a sobering reminder of what happens when one believes the Men's Wearhouse tagline "You're going to like the way you look" – is very concerned that campus groups are too inclusive.

• We're pretty sure that the giant red miasma hovering over Fort Worth in this Twitter hate map had nothing to do with him though. It's probably just smog.

• We were pumped to hear that Texas Parks and Wildlife has created a new Marine Investigations Unit, but it turns out that dolphins will not actually be involved in the investigations. They would have looked so cute wearing badges.

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