News Ticker: April 22

All the news that's fit to blog

Some may take it personally, but the Chronicle enjoys running everyone's mug shots.
Some may take it personally, but the Chronicle enjoys running everyone's mug shots.

Sam Brownback hails Mary, Jeff Flake pulls a bait and switch, and Reese Witherspoon fails to be America's sweetheart. Disappointment is on the News Ticker.

• The U.S. may have just had the worst week ever™, but that doesn't mean that news suddenly stops. In fact, news is happening all over the nation. Take South Carolina, where a woman was shocked to find bullets inside her cat.

• Or Tennessee. In Bristol, a man was injured by a boat propellor. Super exciting!

• In Nebraska, the hot story of the day concerns "boo-boos."

• And in Kansas, a dog fell into a manhole. Doesn't he know those are for people?

• Oh, and Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback signed the nation's most restrictive anti-abortion law. Maybe that should have been the lede?

• Meanwhile, Facebook sneakily introduced a new logo. To better represent the path of its user's personal info, the logo's distinctive "f" is no longer encumbered by a protective bar.

• The new George W. Bush Presidential Library is attempting to give visitors a feel for what it was like to be in Dubya's presidential shoes. For extra verisimilitude, Dick Cheney has been hired to leer over visitor's shoulders.

Capital Metro has revealed that one of their employees was behind the weekend bus hijacking.

• With all the gossip about the tension between Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, now would be a good time for the pair to play it up. Cruz will have to admit defeat, but later he can offer to train Rubio for a comeback fight. It will be like Rocky III, with ties!

• It would certainly make a much better narrative than Sen. Jeff Flake lying to the mother of an Aurora victim. Not cool, bro.

President Obama and the first lady will be attending the Waco memorial for victims of the West explosion.

• Sentient Hummell figurine Reese Witherspoon doesn't always make the best decisions.

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Read more of the Chronicle's decades of reproductive rights reporting here.

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