News Ticker: April 4

Louie Gohmert connects the dots, Ted Nugent hunts for relevance, and Lance Armstrong takes a dip. Character is on the News Ticker.

• Looks like the Trail of Lights this year might be a little underwhelming.

• The House is expecting a very long day as they debate more than two hundred amendments to the budget. After his third energy drink expect Bill Zedler to get into an awkward conversation about why Jesus loves his bill best.

• It appears Louie Gohmert believes in the sanctity of shotgun marriages.

• Since he spends most of his time attending various legislative sessions, maybe its time we all admit that Ted Nugent is no longer a "rocker." At best, he's Glenn Beck after a few guitar lessons.

• Lance Armstrong is vehemently denying that he is using performance-enhancing gills in his new career as a swimmer. Feel free to insert your own "wha-wha-wha" here.

• Three bills dealing with the El Paso Schools testing scandal "sailed to passage" in the Texas Senate. If you ask me, they might have had a little help.

*The original version of this post implied that both Bill Zedler and Louie Gohmert are state representatives. Louie Gohmert is a US representative.