News Ticker: March 27

All the news that's fit to blog

News Ticker: March 27

Rick Perry heckles a heckler, UT scientists work their magic, and Ted Cruz forms a not-so-secret society. Family values are on the News Ticker.

• At yesterday's Texas Faith and Family Day rally, Gov. Rick Perry continued his practice of being perpetually flanked by Boy Scouts – a habit which must make for somewhat awkward dates with Anita.

• Heightening suspicions that he borrowed his schtick from "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Perry answered a heckler at the rally with “part of the problem is people believe our values and faith make us somehow judgmental. We’re not, brother." Unperturbed, the Governor then snapped into a Slim Jim.

• Now that scientists at UT-Austin have created an ultra-thin invisibility cloak, they are turning their attention to affordably engineered sorting hats.

• In other tales of the supernatural, this week the Friends of Austin Animal Center launched "The Shade Project" to provide canopies protecting pets and guests from the blistering Austin sun. According to the artists's rendering; two of the canopies will be suspended by magic – the likely reason Darren Stephens is no longer a member of the FAAC.

• Today Austin Community College broke ground on its first renovation of Highland Mall. The new area will be the location of a new "math emporium," continuing the previous occupant's tradition of using the property as a "House of Torment."

• The recent death threats against Houston Sen. John Whitmire have been revealed to a ham-fisted scam. The "informant," a state inmate, was trying to lure others to plot against Whitmire so he could report them to authorities - thus earning a reduced prison sentence.

• Another story has emerged proving that campus Greek life is a little less like Animal House and a little more like The Hunger Games

• Much like the Three Muskateers, Sens. Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Mike Lee live by the credo "all for one, one for all" - at least when it comes to their constant attempts to garner publicity.

• Speaking of Cruz, Senate Democrats are accusing him of flip-flopping on gun rights for his support of a strengthened federal database. Cruz shot back by calling the Dems "extreme," assumably not referencing the short-lived 90s hair-metal band.

• The justices' comments in today's Supreme Court hearing of United States v.Windsor suggest that the Defense of Marriage Act may be on its last legs.

• Dionne Warwick is reportedly down to her last thousand dollars, proving that Stevie Wonder and Elton John didn't quite absorb the message of their 1982 hit "That's What Friends Are For."

Got something to say? The Chronicle welcomes opinion pieces on any topic from the community. Submit yours now at

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for over 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

More News
The AggreGAYtor: June 1
The AggreGAYtor
What happened today in gay? Here’s your QILTBAG recap of queer news.

David Estlund, June 1, 2015

The AggreGAYtor: May 29
The AggreGAYtor
What happened today in gay? Here’s your QILTBAG recap of queer news.

David Estlund, May 29, 2015

More by Brandon Watson
My Obsession: Therapy With Nineties Supermodels
My Obsession: Therapy With Nineties Supermodels
Escape via the long gay tradition of diva worship

Sept. 15, 2017

Review: Holy Roller
Review: Holy Roller
The personal is edible at Callie Speer’s new hot spot

Sept. 8, 2017


News, Rick Perry, Texas Faith and Family Day, Supreme Court, Defense of Marriage Act, Dionne Warwick, Friends of Austin Animal Center, Ted Cruz, Austin Community College

One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Eric Goodman's Austin FC column, other soccer news

All questions answered (satisfaction not guaranteed)

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle