News Ticker: March 27

Rick Perry heckles a heckler, UT scientists work their magic, and Ted Cruz forms a not-so-secret society. Family values are on the News Ticker.

• At yesterday's Texas Faith and Family Day rally, Gov. Rick Perry continued his practice of being perpetually flanked by Boy Scouts – a habit which must make for somewhat awkward dates with Anita.

• Heightening suspicions that he borrowed his schtick from "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Perry answered a heckler at the rally with “part of the problem is people believe our values and faith make us somehow judgmental. We’re not, brother." Unperturbed, the Governor then snapped into a Slim Jim.

• Now that scientists at UT-Austin have created an ultra-thin invisibility cloak, they are turning their attention to affordably engineered sorting hats.

• In other tales of the supernatural, this week the Friends of Austin Animal Center launched "The Shade Project" to provide canopies protecting pets and guests from the blistering Austin sun. According to the artists's rendering; two of the canopies will be suspended by magic – the likely reason Darren Stephens is no longer a member of the FAAC.

• Today Austin Community College broke ground on its first renovation of Highland Mall. The new area will be the location of a new "math emporium," continuing the previous occupant's tradition of using the property as a "House of Torment."

• The recent death threats against Houston Sen. John Whitmire have been revealed to a ham-fisted scam. The "informant," a state inmate, was trying to lure others to plot against Whitmire so he could report them to authorities - thus earning a reduced prison sentence.

• Another story has emerged proving that campus Greek life is a little less like Animal House and a little more like The Hunger Games

• Much like the Three Muskateers, Sens. Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and Mike Lee live by the credo "all for one, one for all" - at least when it comes to their constant attempts to garner publicity.

• Speaking of Cruz, Senate Democrats are accusing him of flip-flopping on gun rights for his support of a strengthened federal database. Cruz shot back by calling the Dems "extreme," assumably not referencing the short-lived 90s hair-metal band.

• The justices' comments in today's Supreme Court hearing of United States v.Windsor suggest that the Defense of Marriage Act may be on its last legs.

• Dionne Warwick is reportedly down to her last thousand dollars, proving that Stevie Wonder and Elton John didn't quite absorb the message of their 1982 hit "That's What Friends Are For."