The Austin Chronicle

Noriega Has a Problem – Namely, Gene Kelley

By Lee Nichols, February 29, 2008, 8:30pm, Newsdesk

I have a question for Texas Democrats: WHY ARE SO MANY OF YOU IDIOTS? You have one fine candidate for U.S. Senate, Houston state Rep. Rick Noriega, and another very respectable if perhaps not-ready-for-primetime candidate, Corpus Christi schoolteacher Ray McMurrey.

But a new poll of 434 likely Democratic voters by Public Policy Polling doesn't show either of these two in a dominant position. Instead, Noriega has a weak lead of 32%, and McMurrey (8%) is looking like he won't even make a runoff because 15% of you morons are voting for perennial candidate/annoyance Gene Kelly just because you like his name. Why? Because you think it's funny? Or because you're stupid?

Either way, it makes a pathetic statement about the party. This is a democracy – not a joke, not a game. This is for a U.S. Senate seat, and a chance to take down Republican Sen. John Cornyn, who has been and continues to be a cheerleader for President Bush's disastrous, illegal, and immoral war. And now you're probably going to force Noriega to spend even more precious campaign funds to defeat Kelly in a runoff, just like Barbara Radnofsky had to do against him in her 2006 Senate run. Keep in mind, Kelly doesn't even campaign and has no platform; he just enters races for his own vanity, just to see how many votes he'll get. And just enough of you idiots will do it to push Noriega – a man who in addition to serving the public in the Lege for five terms has also put his life on the line as a National Guardsman in Afghanistan – into a runoff.

And the biggest idiots? Young people. Poll respondents ages 18-29 actually list Kelly as the leading candidate, favoring him over Noriega 30%-22%! You'd think at least they go for the idealistic candidate (McMurrey). The next time someone tells you that getting young people to vote is crucial for our democracy, stick this poll in their face. If they won't take their responsibility to vote more seriously than this, they should stay home.

You know what's really scary? "Undecided" is the real leader, at 42%. That raises the frightening possibility that Kelly could actually pull a shocker, get 50% of the vote, and be the Democratic nominee. The only consolation of which is that enough independent dumbasses might vote for him in the general election that he'd actually beat Cornyn.

Texas Democrats, you should be really embarrassed right now.

UPDATE: Ha! Here's somebody who agrees with me:

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