Grandma's House of Horrors

Congratulations to the Rick Perry campaign for managing to call the kettle black in a creative, humorous, and vaguely sexist fashion. Just in time for Halloween, the camp rolled out an interactive Web tour of Grandma's Attic, a lively exploration of Carole Keeton Strayhorn's "secret" records stashed away in the bowels of the state comptroller's office.

The Attic clip got us thinking about all the fun we could have with Perry’s skeletons, too. Oh, if only we had big lobby money to burn on such a venture! If we did, here’s a rough cut of what we’d find in... (cue pipe organ) Perry’s Pantry!

Interactive imagination required below the fold...

The Pantry Doors of Doom!
It’s a revolving door! You can enter and exit as many times as you wish. Staffer, lobbyist, staffer, lobbyist, what's the dif? Come on in!

Seasonings of Suffering!
Sugar and Spice: If you’re fer us, you get lots and lots of S&S; if you’re agin’ us, you get...
Salt and Peppa: Salt to pour on your wounds; then toss a little over your shoulder for good luck – you’re gonna need it. Peppa to make you sneeze uncontrollably. (Hey, wonder if Cheney has thought of this.) You fer us, yet? No? Well, then, have some...

No! Not the Carbs!
CHIP crumbs: We’re not talking croutons; these are the kids' CHIP crumbs, and they’re stale. You fer us yet? No? Then writhe to...

The Castrati Choir (featuring eunuch David Dewhurst) , and feast on their Rocky Mountain oysters: Heh-heh. That’ll teach you. Wash it down with some...

Mogan David wine: Put that back! We pilfered it from Grandma’s Attic. Tastes like grape juice. And most fiendishly...

Canned Spam: "We’re proud of Texas. How ‘bout you?"