The Austin Chronicle

The AggreGAYtor: January 25

By Brandon Watson, January 25, 2013, 1:51pm, The Gay Place

Manti Te’o has a gay panic, Madonna makes it rain, and Lea T scores an ad campaign. Today’s AggreGAYtor is falling on my head like a new emotion.

• Rhode Island, oh, Rhode Island
surrounded by the sea.
Some people roam the earth for home;
Rhode Island’s it for me.

• Transgender inmate Ophelia De'lonta is suing the Virginia Department of Corrections for sexual abuse.

• Although there were some early indications that Witness II: The Reckoning was going to be as suspenseful as its predecessor, the final act gets bogged down in courtroom drama.

• A new survey reveals that 75% of incoming college freshman are down with marriage equality. The other 25% hate kittens.

• Indiana House Speaker Brian Bosma and Senate President Pro Tem David Long giggled when asked why banning gay marriage is not a top priority. Tying a shiny red ribbon in Long’s side braid, Bosma huffed, “Look, unions are grody biotches. I know that gay marriage is too gay to function, but unions keep flirting with my boyfriend.”

GOProud is participating in the March for Life today, as strong of an argument for abortion rights as I can think of.

• If you’re an employee at the Empire City Casino in Yonkers, feel free to tattoo yourself with bullet holes, numerical odes to reciprocal sex, or even giant portraits of Elizabeth Barrett Browning dressed as Lil’ Kim. But for the love of gawd, please keep those lewd rainbows to yourself.

• The British Parliament will vote on marriage equality on February 5th.

• Russia’s Defense Ministry is recommending that recruitment office check new soldier’s buttocks and genitals for gay tattoos, which is coincidentally one of the main plot devices in Rocky IV.

Manti Te’o insists to Katie Couric that he is “faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr” from gay. Like so far that he runs screeching out of the room whenever “Candle in the Wind” is played. Like he doesn’t even own one pair of jeans with prominent pocket embroidery. No ma’am, he has never once seen an episode of Glee.

• San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh would welcome an openly gay player to his team. Manti Te’o says he has never once considered playing for the 'niners.

Madonna, an infrequently used alias of Hedorah the Smog Monster, is raking in the cash from her North American tour.

• Here’s a handy infographic detailing awards season queerness. Oddly, 2011’s Winter’s Bone was not listed. Maybe I just misunderstood the plot.

United Colors of Benetton have signed transgender model Lea T for its latest ad campaign. This year Benetton is forgoing unnecessary structure, instead producing only flats of knit fabric that must be clutched to your chest as you gaze longingly at the Gap across the food court.

• They said she couldn’t do it. “It’s just pictures,” they said, “a few words.” But Linda Immediato was never one to let naysayers have the last word. Walking stridently towards Cali Banh Mi, Kate Spade reporter’s notebook in hand, Linda knew this was the day she would finally jump the street-style shark.

• University of Texas alum Julia Penelope - lesbian feminist author, linguist, and Lubbock County Green Party founder – has died at 71.

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