Hot Sauce Sampling: Tasting the Scoville Rainbow

I’ve never really been a hot sauce person. Sure, I can appreciate a nice drizzle of Sriracha as much as the next gal. I don’t mind a fresh jalapeño here and there in a good bánh mì, or a drizzle of vinegary Louisiana hot sauce over my gumbo.

Still, the kind of apocalyptic mouth-burning heat that our Hot Sauce Festival traffics in isn’t exactly my cup of chili. So when my super- evil editor asked me to taste my way through a few of our past favorite contenders armed with nothing more than a stack of fresh tortillas and a teetering stack of ice-cold pamplemousse La Croix, I knew I was in trouble. But hey, I work for you guys, right? And with the fest happening this Sunday, I knew I had to get into fighting shape for the big event.

Eldorado Cafe Salsa Sampler (Photo by John Anderson)

Yellowbird Serrano Sauce

I started off slow with Yellowbird’s brightly hued serrano sauce. I’ve been fooled by Yellowbird before, when topping off my bacon, egg, and cheese at Paperboy. It just looks so friendly, you know? But this cutie packs a serious punch. Tangerine juice and carrots give it an illusive sweetness that makes the initial flavor profile so compelling. I found myself wincing even as I dipped my finger in for another bite. Sweat followed, and I definitely got a little red in the face, but there were no tears. I opened my first sparkling water. I chowed down on a tortilla or two. I experienced no serious pangs of gastrointestinal regret. Overall, it’s the perfect sauce for a wimp like me looking to take her heat game to the next level.

Sweat Level 8/10

Kent’s Hot Sauce

Although I was swayed by the inclusion of clover honey in this sauce, it was loyalty to my hot-sauce-loving Dad who is also named Kent that inspired me to go for this intimidatingly dark hued cayenne-based blend. You can definitely taste the honey, and the first note is a lovely tomato sauce sweetness that reminded me of a super-slow-cooked ragu. The heat follows, but it’s a friendly, fireside chat heat, rather than the kind of heat that burns your house down. Kent’s is a pleasant sauce whose claims of being the perfect dipping agent for chicken tenders is well deserved. While the burn lingered, it was a smoky heat that only needed a few swigs of the bubbly to extinguish it.

Sweat Level 6/10

Evil Cowboy Smokin Ghost

Smokin Ghost has a heck of a pedigree. It’s a third-generation recipe passed down from the long ago owners of a small-town Texas grocery store and butcher shop, where they’d use it to top their slow smoked brisket. A well-balanced, smoky sauce with a nice kick of acidity keeping things balanced, the heat comes on slowly here and lingers for a good while, making for a pleasant and not too overwhelmingly spicy sauce experience. You’ve seen those videos where an orchestra eats whole ghost peppers and then tries to play a symphony, right? Even they would probably be OK with this friendly ghost. I was fine with one tortilla on this one.

Sweat Level 5/10

Commercial pepper sauce first place winner Haitian Heat at the 2016 Hot Sauce Festival (Photo by John Anderson)

Haitian Heat Sexy Sauce

Here’s where I admit my journalistic bias: I have a deep-seated prejudice against Tabasco sauce. I know, I know: Plenty of people love it, and it must be a classic for a reason. But still, I’d always found this diner standby a bit of a flash in the pan, with little to offer other than that initial blast of heat. So when I heard that one of our past winners was a tabasco blend, I knew that I owed it to myself to try to break my Tabasco aversion once and for all. And Sexy Sauce did not disappoint! Way more flavorful than the diner variety, this green monster still packs in the heat, big time. I found myself reaching for another tortilla. Then another. Sweat started pouring down my face. I opened a second La Croix. Delicious, for sure, but I was way too sweaty to feel sexy.

Sweat Level 9/10

Eldorado Cafe's Salsa Sampler

After that Sexy Sauce tore me a new one, I was more than ready for the sweet relief and hydration of the mild end of the salsa sampler, last year’s third-place winner, the Fresa. It was surprisingly flavorful for a mild salsa, with no kick, but tons of savory flavor. The El Scorpio was another standout, with a slow-building burn that had a nice killer linger, but wasn’t so spicy that I didn’t dip back in again and again. But my favorite salsa was probably Salsa X, which hasn’t yet placed in the contest. Spicy, creamy, with a lingering hint of smoke, it was a delicious pairing for the fresh tasting tortilla chips. Maybe this will be Salsa X’s year, guys.

Sweat Level 7/10