Looking for Some Hot Stuff

We’ll be straight up with you. This may be a rough day. You’ve spent all week swiping right instead of dealing with monthly reports and important emails. Believe us, your boss noticed. We can’t say you won’t have it coming when you receive that pink slip tomorrow, but we here at the Chronicle want you to have fun tonight.

Our advice: message that dude with the puppy dog eyes, tell him to meet you at the Mohawk tonight for a happy hour previewing our 25th annual Austin Chronicle Hot Sauce Festival. We get that you are trying to catch up on Pretty Little Liars and have been going commando for weeks, but you might as well make a move while you are still gainfully employed. And with your canned food donation, you’ll be helping the Capital Area Food Bank of Texas in it’s mission to provide meals in our community.

Still need more convincing? It’s early in the night, so if the date goes well, you can go to karaoke and woo him with your warbly renditions of disco standards (we suggest Donna Summer’s “Love to Love You Baby” for maximum sensuality). There will also be Reyka vodka drink specials (you might be on a very tight budget soon), and eating all those peppery sauces (from Yellowbird Sauce, Stellar Gourmet Foods, Jaime’s Spanish Village, Texas Tears, and Mom’s Family Kitchen) will release a flood of endorphins that will give your crush a high that he’ll forever associate with you. Love is the drug and you are the pusher.

Oh, and if you lose your shirt making out by the Mohawk’s big-ole taxidermy bear (behavior we certainly do not condone), you can buy discounted vintage Hot Sauce Fest merch to hide your shame. All proceeds from those sales will go to the food bank too.

We thought you'd want to come. We’ll text you when we get there.

Hot Sauce Festival Preview Happy Hour
The Mohawk
912 Red River, 512/666-0877
Tonight, Aug. 13, 6-8pm