Beer Week Pro Tips

Were you overwhelmed by the partial lists of Austin Beer Week events in today's issue of the Chronicle (Home's a Brewin' and Meal Times)?

Do you see the precipice of unemployment or probation after four straight days of tastings and hangovers? Did you make it through Burning Man without a single picture leaking on social media, but then ended up in our Tour de Fat photo gallery? Bad decisions make great stories, but following these tips will keep you drinking another day.

1. Do not slap your mama.
You thought your belligerent drunk days are over, but you probably didn't count on many of the best chefs in Austin preparing several beer dinners a night this week. Chef Andrew Curren made "chuck roast" (innocently named enough) to pair with Ommegang's Art of Darkness seasonal brew, but a flavor foretold by the beer's name made my brow sweat. The meat fell apart like embers, and the spices from Vietnam, France, and Ethiopia were slap-your-mama good. Stay the hell away from your mama this week.

2. Do not tweet mischievous deeds before you've gotten away with them.
But if you do, use the hashtag #atxbw to locate partners in crime.

3. Plan ahead.
Sign up for an account to organize your itinerary here. Some events requiring tickets have already sold out. Here's mine to give you an idea.

4. Make friends with a pregnant person.
That's Shawn Marchese's strategy. His wife winced when a verboten lambic beer was laid between her and her husband, but she took one for the team, and her husband home brewer and beer blogger drank for three.

5. Hydrate.
You should be drinking water all morning, before events start at 11 am.

Good luck!