So many problems to solve in this world, when all you want to do is listen to the music you love. But when it comes to the very act of listening to the music you love, those problems are only five in number – and we’ve solved them for you right here.
[SPOILER ALERT: The answer, it turns out, is Flows. But, hold on, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.]
Problem No. 1: You want to listen to music outside your home or place of business, while you’re out and about. Well, the solution is simple: You get earbuds, right? Yeah, okay, but –
Problem No. 2: You can’t stand the feeling of having earbuds pushed into your auditory canals and you don’t like it once they’re in there. It makes you think of what Khan’s people did to first officer Chekhov in that one Star Trek movie, right? “They put … creatures in our bodies.” Yeah – to hell with that. But, hey, the solution is simple: You get headphones, right? Like all the DJs wear? Yeah, okay, but –
Problem No. 3: Those headphones cut you off from the entire world. You can hear your music just fine, sure, but that’s all you hear. And when you’re walking around a city, or (even scarier) riding your bike somewhere that’s always filled with too many idiots in cars, that shit is no good for your hope of reaching a ripe old age. Can’t hear a thing coming up behind you or whatever, you’ll be lucky to make it into your late twenties. And not only that, but the sun, the goddam sun is trying to turn your eyes into two smoldering bloodholes, and it’s not even summertime. But, hey, the solution is simple: You get yourself a pair of audio sunglasses. Why, they’ll let you hear your music and the world, simultaneously – and they’ll shield your eyes from the fiery tongue of our nearest star. And Bose sells such products, don't they? And, uh, Sony? Yeah, okay, but –
Problem No. 4: Those things are real spendy, aren’t they? Srsly, if you have more than two or three hundo to spare toward solving those first three problems, then go ahead pat yourself on the back, bub, because you’re doing much better than an alt-weekly journo. Don’t cry for me, Sergeant Tina, but ouch goes the budget. But, hey, the solution? Is actually simple: Get a pair of Flows. These audio sunglasses offer high-quality built-in bone conduction speakers (and the microphone pairs up via Bluetooth with your device to operate like any normal headset); and charging the battery for two hours will let you groove, musicwise, for five hours or more (surpassing those Boses and Sonys, btw); and the audio integrity is solid (some of the reviews we’ve read are unhappy with the lack of sufficient bass, to be sure, but, ah, we’re not always stimming on the Skrillex or Swedish Death Metal); and the lenses will protecc your peepers from old Sol’s nuclear fusion in the sky, and … they don’t cost an arm and a leg. Listen: These sleek-looking Flows (in an arguably more masculine style called Bruno’s or an arguably more feminine style called Taylor’s) will set you back only 150 bucks. For real. That’s not an arm and a leg, right? Happy, happy budget! Yeah, okay, but –
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