Insure Your Legacy With Booty Pop Panties

All of you pear-shaped goddesses out there shaking some extra sugar on the backside, rejoice. Whether you have broad shoulders or not, your understated upper body looks fantastic in clothing, and we all know there are insurance policies available for that moneymaker bringing up the rear. This post is not for you.

Those of us cursed with a more Tasmanian Devil-in-drag physique, however, have a pair of problems up front, and the caboose came loose a few miles back, because it's just gone. This post is for us.

You know what we remember about Princess Diana around here? Is it the most impeccably-made clothing on the planet, the cultivated English complexion, or the aristocratic nose in profile? No, what we remember is how horrifyingly flat her ass looked in that leopard-print bikini. This while on a sex-kitten vacation staged to shock the world. Really, Di? The most important media moment of your life, and your ass is flat like that? It's burned into her legacy. Famous Flat-Assed Fashion Plate Loved Lepers and Pointy-Headed, Inbred Windsors.

Take heart, assless-but-otherwise-lovely reader, the technology has arrived so that a new generation of trouble-making strumpets can avoid this chilling scenario. Insure your own legacy and fill out your jeans in the meantime with a product brought straight to you from our late-night TV purveyors of personal-problem solving, the one and only...Booty Pop Panties! "The panties that make your booty pop!" Be aware that they do come with a manufacturer's warning, "The subsequent hiring of additional personal security is the sole responsibility of the Booty Pop customer", and testimonials rave. We wonder why they don't make a model that inflates and deflates; it could work with the lumbar support in your car seat, making the morning commute much more comfortable.

For more ideas on faking the donk, dial up the winsome Ms. Juicy Booty, who promises the "largest variety of booty-lifters online", as well as the Definitive Big Booty E-Book. Meanwhile, here's the Booty Pop spot, for those who retire too early for such research.