Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from West Lynn Street

"Operator? Can you please connect me with some fashion sense?"

It might seem like the woman in the white muffler is jealous of her friend’s awesome 8 inch wedges, but if her face wasn’t blurred it would be obvious that she is absolutely enthralled with the half of the cell phone conversation she is getting to hear.

She understands that the person on the other end of the line is important enough to command her friend’s full attention, even though that other person didn’t get up at the crack of fucking dawn to hump it down West Lynn for a cup of coffee.

Poor white muffler. Wedges is glued to that phone for at least another block according to the Streetview camera. It’s a wonder white muffler doesn’t snatch that phone off her ear and smash it on the pavement. Maybe she does. Google can’t be everywhere. For all we know she might choke wedges out a few blocks down. Rest assured that if she does, it would be justifiable homicide – not just because that electric blue purse doesn’t match a thing she’s wearing, but because unless you’re talking Jesus himself, ignoring your friend for more than a few minutes to talk on your cell phone is inexcusably obnoxious behavior – and it better say “Jesus” on the caller ID.

Anyway, as for the wedges themselves, they’re really, really lofty. So high in fact that she might as well be wearing pointe shoes - and by “pointe shoes” I mean “ballet slippers” and not the kind of footwear favored by the prozzies in the HBO documentary Hookers at the Point, though really, I think any of those women would be delighted to wear some shoes like these.

All in all, there’s not much else to say about this woman’s outfit other than it assumes that black leather/naugahyde goes with anything up to and including handcuffs, bullwhips and nipple clamps. It doesn’t. Any mirror would tell her that. Any friend would as well. Even this one might if she would just get off the fucking phone, but my guess is that white muffler isn’t going to say a thing.

Luvdoc Fashion Index: 3.7
(the best thing about this outfit is the good calf definition from those ridiculously high wedges)

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