Up Too Early

Google Streetview fashion critique from Exposition Boulevard

This woman DOMINATES fashion.
This woman DOMINATES fashion.

Chuck Taylors with a concho belt? This woman is totally fucking crushing it. Admit it. You wish you had the fashion balls of this broad. She is rolling up that sidewalk runway like the Biker from the Apocalypse. Vegetation is spontaneously combusting, varmints are scattering – and with good reason.

That white do-rag/painters cap puts the world on notice that blondie is having a bad hair day and doesn’t give a fuck. You want some of this? No, you don’t.

That black canvas shoulder bag is a nice touch too. It says, “I brought a change of clothes just in case things get messy.” She’s probably got a loaded .45 in there … and maybe some beef jerky and a can of spray paint. You just don’t know, but it’s roomy enough to launch some serious shenanigans. Switchblade? Clown suit? A box of Girl Scout Thin Mints? A director’s cut DVD of Bridget Jones’s Diary?

Whatever it is, she is keeping it tucked in tight. Maybe she’s muling some skunkweed into the gun show. Lord knows those people could use it. They’re pretty tightly wound. I mean, really … they always get their panties in a wad when people start pawing the assault weapons. They should really just relax, have a few bong hits, and let the snot nosed toddlers play cowboys and Indians with the Glocks and Lugers. It’s the American way. How else are kids going to learn gun safety? Grand Theft Auto?

LuvDoc Fashion Index: 9.5 (in order to save fashion, we must sometimes destroy it)

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

READ MORE
More by The Luv Doc
The Luv Doc: Running Late
The Luv Doc: Running Late
The kind of unforgivable transgression that can ruin a promising career.

May 7, 2021

The Luv Doc: Unmasked and Undangerous
The Luv Doc: Unmasked and Undangerous
Nothing is more dangerous than a control freak who has just figured out the situation is beyond their control.

April 30, 2021

KEYWORDS FOR THIS POST

Concho, LuvDoc, Thin Mints, Clown Suit

MORE IN THE ARCHIVES
NEWSLETTERS
One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

New recipes and food news delivered Mondays

Eric Goodman's Austin FC column, other soccer news

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle