What Amazon Will – But Mostly Won't – Do For You

Authors Dean Fleischer-Camp and Jenny Slate (Marcel the Shell With Shoes On) at a recent BookPeople reading. File under: experiences Amazon cannot give you. (Image courtesy of BookPeople.com)

Heard about Amazon's sneaky new scheme to enlist an army of information gatherers? In a new blog post, one of BookPeople's employees explains what the online retail giant won't do for you.

On Dec. 10, Amazon is offering customers a 5% discount off of purchases (up to $5) if they walk into a store, scan the price of select items (toys, electronics, DVDs, etc.), then send the information to Amazon … which will then presumably use said information in order to undercut the price of all competitors, from big box to mom-and-pop.

BookPeople employee Chris Hoyt has a few thoughts on the subject, which he first posted to Facebook and were then republished on the BookPeople blog. He makes such a good case we thought we'd reprint it in total here:

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What Amazon will do for you:

Sell you books and such, sometimes at a low price, and send them to you.

What Amazon will NOT do for you:

Provide a puppet show for your children.

Have a book drive to support those who can’t afford such entertainments.

Host authors for book signing events.

Have a parking lot party where you, and many like you, can gather in anticipation, dressed in your finest magical attire, drink butter beer or what have you, and generally have a great coming together of like minded excitement.

Let you shake (insert favorite author here)’s hand and say “Hey, I really like your books” and have them say “Thank You, I really appreciate you supporting what I do and paying me to keep doing what I love so that I, in turn, can provide you with more to enjoy.”

Host a book fair at your local school.

Host a literary camp so your kids can have lightsaber battles with real lighsabers

Have an event about a beer book and provide beer at said event.

Have an event about a cookbook and provide food at said event.

Read your kid a book at story time.

Support other local retailers and, in fact, team up with other local retailers to host an event.

Host a former President, or several.

Introduce you to a slightly hungover bookseller who is so damn dreamy your palms are sweating and you might have romance asthma because you’re having trouble breathing while said bookseller is combining words like “Tiger’s” and “Wife” and making it sound so so erotic and maybe it’s love, or, no it’s probably just lust but damn if it don’t feel good and right, and internet could never…..you get the point.

Etc……….