Well, OK, tbh you may very well believe the fourth one. And the other four as well. We’re just trying to make things easier for you here, is all, O busy Austinite. Always on the go, always working some spiritually enriching hustle, you might could use our friendly assistance in combating the oppressive, near Thanos-level tyranny of choice. Thus:
Oh, sit down, Sherlock, we know you’ve got the situation sussed in your annoying and abrasive sleuth-savant manner.
You, too, Miss Marple – STFU.
Scooby Gang, don’t even.
Instead, let your friendly neighborhood Detective-Sergeant Brenner of The Austin Chronicle’s 709th Precinct have a chance to help, here:
It’s our “Best of Austin” issue this week, hell yes – but you know the goodness just keeps on keeping on in this bustling metrop of ours, is relentless to the point of oh-shit-how-do-I-choose?, is enough to make a citizen look below for a quintet of suggestions re: the more culturally vibrant parts of the weekend immediately ahead …
But, no, we jest.
That is, you certainly may read this list aloud in the voice of Michael Caine, if you wish. If you can. But you can do anything, pretty much, can’t you? This is still America, after all. Never mind those chem trails. Pay no attention to that rufous-tinted Pussy-Grabber-In-Chief. But enjoy your weekend, insh’allah, with these events:
Listen: You can catch the second weekend of ACL later, vicariously, when our “Playback” columnist Kevin Curtin drags his weary ass from the Schwarzschild Radius of Resolute Partying long enough to report on what happened with what to whom. Instead, get your non-festival soul leveled-up with one or more of these worthy events: