Qmmunity: Blasphemy Baby

Guess who got called blasphemous? If any of y’all have been paying attention to the latest in our Letters to the Editor section – and NO I’m not talking about the staples letters! We know the paper’s staples are looser than Samantha Jones, but that’s an ongoing issue we’re addressing – then you may know that I, personally, have gotten two letters calling me both disrespectful to the Catholic Church and “dark” & “vulnerable” due to legitimizing Satanism.

Look: I grew up Catholic, going to mass every Sunday where I watched countless priests in countless vestments give boring sermons while my mom prodded me to sing along with the hymns. I know the score when it comes to the Church, which is to say it’s an old-ass institution filled with nice people who for some reason ignore the rot that’s slowly eating away all the structures keeping ye olde religion up. If I call a priest’s vestments “c*nty,” I think I’m well within the current Catholic dogma to do so. After all, Pope Francis did say the Vatican has an air of f*gg*tness – although apparently he used the Italian f-slur, which IDK how to spell.

My actual frustration with these letters is how much they miss the point. A queer person making a joke about a Father’s fashion or promoting an incredibly innocuous Satanic Temple meeting is not creating any real measurable harm toward Catholics. While wired-up folks such as these spend their valuable energy shooting off emails about how Satan is taking over, conservative assholes are trying to dismantle rights for LGBTQ Americans as well as for everyone else. Just this past weekend, the two-years-running Legendary Drag Brunch with Kelly Kline had to be evacuated from their venue because a freakazoid emailed a bomb threat to the Brewtorium. According to event host Las Ofrendas’ owner tk tunchez, the email read: “We have placed a pipebomb in your office. Fuck drag queen scum.”

I’m not saying that sending a letter to the editor is the same as a bomb threat. What I’m saying is there are real events out there to put your upset energy toward – much more real than an event blurb. This Pride Month, I’d like all haters to put that powerful urge to better use by writing your congressperson, your senators, your local council members about putting in place more protections for our LGBTQ community. Make your true complainer’s spirit helpful to the cause and start showing up to town halls and school board meetings where you can go toe-to-toe with jerks who want to take away a safe environment from our most vulnerable. I would love to see y’all embody the real spirit of Jesus: knocking over tables and calling out bullshit in the Church.

Oh yeah: Since y’all Catholics already are in the habit of tithing, why not keep up the habit by donating to the drag performers whose show got threatened and canceled? Xareni, Taryn Taylor, and Kelly Kline all deserve it.

Husky: Pup & Critters Night – Flagging for Fluke

Friday 14, the Iron Bear

Inspiring you to “Fetch Happiness,” this Pride edition of the local pet/critter size-inclusive party will also raise funds for 2024’s Iron Pup on their journey to further title-holding glory.

Pride Night Bingo

Friday 14, Captain Quack’s

Southside hotties can become bingo badges for a $20 fee: Win cash prizes, enjoy victory, and have a gay ol’ time with hosts Chelsea and Jana.

Poo Poo Platter Presents: Ladytron vs. Miss Kitten

Saturday 15, Elysium

Second to last on the PPP’s journey toward the end, this show will excite and electrify by celebrating European “electronicons” through drag tributes. Cover’s $10, but the show? Priceless.

Time Being Books Grand Opening

Saturday 15, 705 Gunter St.

Gay by association: This specialty bookseller moves into the compound that includes Lynny’s delicious treats and MASS Gallery’s delicious arts, both frequently occupied by our dearest and queerest.

Who’s Your Daddy

Sunday 16, Fallout Theater

Drag yourself out to this Father’s Day fight for who’s the best drag Daddy. Three rounds in this game show will showcase “your favorite dads who happen to be millennial women in drag,” according to the event copy.

Sad Girls Only

Monday 17, Swan Dive

Summer sads are the worst since when it gets muggy when you cry too much. Slink your weepy ol’ self on over to Swan Dive and sink into excellent emo drag entertainment hosted by Sad Girls’ Ruby Knight and Louisianna Purchase.

Bronco Dance Workshop

Monday 17, Sagebrush

Yeehaw, dancers: You’ve got yerself a chance to learn from the pros at Country Fried Dance while DJ Boi Orbison spins country classics. Sure, it’s $10 to get in, but good line-dance lessons ought to cost a little scratch. Just make sure you wear yer best boots, in case you wanna knock ’em with a cowboy-hatted cutie.

Pride Events

All June, austinchronicle.com/qmmunity

Yeah, that’s right: We’re listing as many Pride events as my little fingers can type, so if you want more events – you know where to look. Happy June, babes!