The Luv Doc: Cabana Boy

Concerns about becoming an “absolute bitch”

The Luv Doc: Cabana Boy

Dear Luv Doc,

I have been married nearly 40 years to the same beautiful woman and we have enjoyed great sex during most of those years. For the past several years, however, the lovemaking has taken a twisted turn. On one vacation, we had gone to the hotel pool and just returned to our room where I pretended to be a pool boy applying lotion to her bikini-clad body, and one thing led to another and we had great sex. No problem, right? Unfortunately, ever since then, she insists that we go to an Austin pool to swim then return home where I pretend to be a pool or cabana boy servicing her needs until I end up riding her rocking horse and she is shouting out my fictional name ("Oh Cabana Boy!!") in the throes of multiple powerful orgasms. Again, no problem right? However, in the past year, she has insisted I now wear a Speedo-style swimsuit and a shirt designating me as the Cabana Boy during our foreplay as we listen to Caribbean music. She gives orders to me where she needs more lotion applied or "special attention" to her body. Eventually, I am back in the saddle galloping this hot mare to the finish line. I have tried to get her to have sex without the pool, swimming, or role-playing, but she reacts very lackluster and is lucky to have one tepid orgasm at best. I fear she is fantasizing about beautiful younger men rather than concentrating on me.

My question to you is this: Is role-playing with sex normal in an aging relationship or will it progress until she has made me her absolute bitch, role-playing Goofy or, God forbid, Donald Trump, so she can sexually dominate these men?

– Cabana Boy

Dude, if you have been married 40 years and the freakiest thing your wife has asked you to do is to play cabana boy, I would say you have gotten off really easy. You're lucky she isn't leading you around in a dog collar and making you shit on her chest. Forty years? Damn. Are you sure you're not vampires? Look, I have no idea what is a "normal" sexuality level in an aging relationship. After 40 years I would think that normal sex is anything that gets you to an actual orgasm without vomiting, breaking a hip, or having a heart attack ... I mean short of actual murder of course ... or assault and battery. Let me readjust that baseline: Anything goes as long as no one gets hurt and no one else has to watch – pets included.

All that said, it seems that you are a little too obsessed with the whole dominance/submission aspect of this new fetish. That isn't going to be good for anyone in the long run, so you need to let her know your concerns about becoming an "absolute bitch." While you're at it, you might want to give some thought to why you equate a lovable, clumsy, dim-witted Disney character to feelings of emasculation. The Donald Trump thing I get. I mean, who wouldn't want to shit on his chest? Anyway, I hope you get that all sorted out. Last but not least, just in case ... you might want to check in with her about whether her pool boy fetish is actually an easy solution for any hygiene issues. It's worth an ask at least. Sometimes old folks fall into bad habits.

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