The Austin Chronicle

https://www.austinchronicle.com/columns/2019-11-29/the-luv-doc-sex-and-the-white-american-male/

The Luv Doc: Sex and the White American Male

White guys ruin everything. Why wouldn't they ruin sex?

By The Luv Doc, November 29, 2019, Columns

Dear Luv Doc,

I never thought I would ever in my life write to you, yet here I am. Honest to God, I don't want to fall into stereotypes, but here is the thing: I am a well-educated, mature, Hispanic woman who went through a formal, committed relationship with a white American man. After six years of being kind, patient, and totally comprehensive of my man to react and feel motivated to have sex with me, I could count with my two hands the number of occasions we had sex. I would like to move on and meet another white American guy. When I shared this with my girlfriends, they are all preventing me to do so; they claim there is nobody like a Latino to make love – even American girlfriends say so because they have had sad, similar situations like mine with white men arguing they don't need that much. But there is something about the American culture that I really love. So, my question is obvious: Is it true American men don't really need that much sex? And I don't mean every day, at any time, but at least once a week.

– She Wants a White American


Well, you've certainly come to the right source. Who better to mansplain about white men than a white man? As a white male, I would like to patronizingly point out that there are plenty of non-white American men. In fact, it could be safely said that a majority of the world's Latino men are American – thanks mainly to greedy, genocidal white men looking to make a buck. Here we are several centuries later and we're still shitting the bed. Look at who we elected as president. Yeesh. White guys ruin everything. Why wouldn't they ruin sex?

I have to admit, however, that after reading your missive, I did feel a bit defensive. Having been in a six-year relationship with a white man, you are probably well familiar with defensiveness as a response to criticism. My first knee-jerk response was, "Hey! White guys need sex more than twice a year ... on average." (Psst: This is where I patronizingly point out that I did the math on your word problem and divided six by 10 and then rounded up. White guys love math.) Then I thought, "Wait ... do white guys really need sex? Or do they just want it?" Then I sort of went down this Catholic priest wormhole and ... well ... let's just say that when it comes to sex, there seems to be a strong correlation between want and need.

Then I went into research mode – and by that, I mean I went to the 2018 Pornhub Year in Review – and my suspicions were confirmed. White American guys do like sex more than two times a year! In fact, guess who watched more porn videos than any other nationality? U-S-A! U-S-A! That's right, in 2018, Americans watched more porn on Pornhub than any other country on Earth ... followed, of course, by our white would-be colonizer, the UK. Here's the good news: 72% of those porn watchers were men!

Even more exciting is that "Latina" was the sixth-most-searched-for term from American Pornhub users in 2018, beating out "big ass," "big tits," and "anal." So the good news is that if you're a Latina stepmom MILF with big tits and a big ass who is into threesomes and anal, you can expect a lot of sex with white American men.

So, do white American males need sex at least once a week? I can't say conclusively, but they certainly do have a huge amount of interest in sex, and I doubt that interest is purely platonic. Maybe the perceived lack of interest in sex has more to do with a lack of communication than a lack of desire. Usually, lack of communication about sex is the result of shame and guilt. If you can somehow create an environment where those don't exist, you will be well fucked.

Copyright © 2019 Austin Chronicle Corporation. All rights reserved.

The Austin Chronicle

https://www.austinchronicle.com/columns/2019-11-29/the-luv-doc-sex-and-the-white-american-male/

The Luv Doc: Sex and the White American Male

White guys ruin everything. Why wouldn't they ruin sex?

By The Luv Doc, November 29, 2019, Columns

Dear Luv Doc,

I never thought I would ever in my life write to you, yet here I am. Honest to God, I don't want to fall into stereotypes, but here is the thing: I am a well-educated, mature, Hispanic woman who went through a formal, committed relationship with a white American man. After six years of being kind, patient, and totally comprehensive of my man to react and feel motivated to have sex with me, I could count with my two hands the number of occasions we had sex. I would like to move on and meet another white American guy. When I shared this with my girlfriends, they are all preventing me to do so; they claim there is nobody like a Latino to make love – even American girlfriends say so because they have had sad, similar situations like mine with white men arguing they don't need that much. But there is something about the American culture that I really love. So, my question is obvious: Is it true American men don't really need that much sex? And I don't mean every day, at any time, but at least once a week.

– She Wants a White American


Well, you've certainly come to the right source. Who better to mansplain about white men than a white man? As a white male, I would like to patronizingly point out that there are plenty of non-white American men. In fact, it could be safely said that a majority of the world's Latino men are American – thanks mainly to greedy, genocidal white men looking to make a buck. Here we are several centuries later and we're still shitting the bed. Look at who we elected as president. Yeesh. White guys ruin everything. Why wouldn't they ruin sex?

I have to admit, however, that after reading your missive, I did feel a bit defensive. Having been in a six-year relationship with a white man, you are probably well familiar with defensiveness as a response to criticism. My first knee-jerk response was, "Hey! White guys need sex more than twice a year ... on average." (Psst: This is where I patronizingly point out that I did the math on your word problem and divided six by 10 and then rounded up. White guys love math.) Then I thought, "Wait ... do white guys really need sex? Or do they just want it?" Then I sort of went down this Catholic priest wormhole and ... well ... let's just say that when it comes to sex, there seems to be a strong correlation between want and need.

Then I went into research mode – and by that, I mean I went to the 2018 Pornhub Year in Review – and my suspicions were confirmed. White American guys do like sex more than two times a year! In fact, guess who watched more porn videos than any other nationality? U-S-A! U-S-A! That's right, in 2018, Americans watched more porn on Pornhub than any other country on Earth ... followed, of course, by our white would-be colonizer, the UK. Here's the good news: 72% of those porn watchers were men!

Even more exciting is that "Latina" was the sixth-most-searched-for term from American Pornhub users in 2018, beating out "big ass," "big tits," and "anal." So the good news is that if you're a Latina stepmom MILF with big tits and a big ass who is into threesomes and anal, you can expect a lot of sex with white American men.

So, do white American males need sex at least once a week? I can't say conclusively, but they certainly do have a huge amount of interest in sex, and I doubt that interest is purely platonic. Maybe the perceived lack of interest in sex has more to do with a lack of communication than a lack of desire. Usually, lack of communication about sex is the result of shame and guilt. If you can somehow create an environment where those don't exist, you will be well fucked.

Copyright © 2019 Austin Chronicle Corporation. All rights reserved.

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle