The Luv Doc: Problems That Don’t Actually Exist

Certain girls are really hot

The Luv Doc: Problems That Don’t Actually Exist

Dear Luv Doc,

After sex a few nights ago, me and my girlfriend were talking about turn-ons and she told me that certain girls (women) really turn her on and that she has had sex with girls in the past. I am a little bit weirded out by that. How do I know she isn't having sex with girls right now? Is it worth even staying with her if at some point she gets turned on by some girl and decides to leave me?

– Billy


Hard to blame her, Billy. Certain girls are really hot. What are you going to do? Actually, I can tell you what you are going to do. Nothing. Well, unless you're an idiot. Then you might want to do something stupid like accusing her of having sex with girls right now when she clearly told you that was in the past.

For rhetorical purposes, I am going to assume you were really into your girlfriend before she told you she's had sex with women. Good news: She didn't change. She is still the same person you have been dating. What has changed is your perception of her. However, instead of feeling chuffed that she trusted you enough to divulge something so intimate, you are letting your insecurities run wild. Hey, if nothing else, her having had sex with other women is something you both have in common! Unless you're a virgin, of course, which means there's a whole lot more to unpack.

Are bisexual women statistically less inclined toward monogamy? I don't know. I'm sure you could Google that. Even still, I can't imagine you're the type of person who would end a relationship based on statistical analysis. If you are, trust me: You will be doing her a huge favor to end it right now.

Think of it this way: You had sex with women in your past. Do you feel inclined to have sex with some other woman because of that? No; more than likely, you are entirely focused on your girlfriend, or you wouldn't be calling her your girlfriend. I would bet she feels similarly. That's sort of the nature of monogamous relationships, isn't it?

Lastly, I can't tell you if your girlfriend is going to ditch you for some woman ... or some man, for that matter. I can tell you that as far as monogamous relationships go, those are the dice that you roll. Either she's into you and committed to you, or she isn't, and only you can make that call. In relationships, however, it's best in my opinion not to start dreaming up problems that don't actually exist.

Need some advice from the Luv Doc? Send your questions to the Luv Doc, check out the Luv Doc Archive, and subscribe to the Luv Doc Newsletter.

Got opinions about food, arts, shopping, and everything else good in Austin? Let your voice be heard in our annual Best of Austin ballot. Voting is open now!

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

READ MORE
More The Luv Doc
Luv Doc: The Up / Down
Luv Doc: The Up / Down
A good excuse is never something that comes out of a funky armpit

The Luv Doc, Aug. 16, 2019

The Luv Doc: Pineapple Pizza
The Luv Doc: Pineapple Pizza
A big ol’ meaty, cheesy, greasy gastronomical death trap

The Luv Doc, Aug. 2, 2019

MORE IN THE ARCHIVES
NEWSLETTERS
One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

Updates for SXSW 2019

All questions answered (satisfaction not guaranteed)

Time to vote! Best of Austin 2019 balloting is underway   VOTE NOW