Luv Doc: Not a Planner
The Luv Doc talks about an OG social justice warrior from back in the day
Dear Luv Doc,
I know this is not a huge, earth-shattering problem, but it has been bugging me for a while and I would like to hear your take on it. My husband doesn't plan anything. I am always the one making dinner reservations, buying tickets, making appointments, and organizing get-togethers with our friends. Literally if I don't do it, it doesn't get done. We always seem to go out at the last minute to some crappy restaurant that doesn't have a wait and then we end up in the first row at the movie theatre because we didn't buy our tickets early enough. The problem is, he seems just fine with this. He shrugs it off like there is nothing that can be done, but I have proven to him time and time again that it can. How can I get him to see the light?
I used to watch Kung Fu a lot when I was a kid. That shit was dope. Kung Fu was an OG social justice warrior from back in the day whose main job seemed to be wandering around the American West getting involved in all sorts of shenanigans. Usually those shenanigans ended up with him putting a serious foot whuppin' on some incredulous bad guy. Ostensibly, Kung Fu (his actual name was Caine) was searching for his long-lost half brother Danny, but he didn't seem to be in a big hurry about it. He would always be about to drink a ladle of water from a bucket and then some white asshole would pop off with some racist shit and Kung Fu would be all like, "Hold up a minute. I need to put a slo-mo ass whuppin' on this black-hat-wearing motherfucker and then walk slowly out of town without getting shot in the back a few hundred times."
Here's the deal with Kung Fu though: He was pretty cool, but he wasn't a planner. Traditionally, planners aren't the cool people. They're usually the ones all up in everyone's shit way too early. That never wins popularity contests. Cool people aren't tripping about worst-case scenarios. Cool people aren't worried that they're going to miss a plane, run out of ice, or come down with the flu. They aren't freaking out because they're five minutes late to an important meeting or because they didn't RSVP to a co-worker's kid's bar mitzvah. They're just like, "I missed the bus? Fuck it. Another one's going to come along sometime." Then they miss their kid's dance recital, or their best friend's wedding, or that important job interview.
In reality, people who don't plan anything bear a closer resemblance to Forrest Gump than Kung Fu – knuckle-dragging idiots being buffeted about by the winds of fate, like a little white feather floating along on the breeze. It's no accident that Forrest Gump director Robert Zemeckis, much like Forrest Gump book author Winston Groom, chose to be heavy-handed with the metaphor in consideration of America's stunted intellectualism. It's also no surprise that most Americans see Forrest Gump as a feel-good movie.
But back to your husband: He either lacks the tools or the motivation to be a planner – maybe both. Therefore, I highly recommend, at the risk of losing your sanity, that you make sure to include him in all planning henceforth, right from the get-go. Give him tasks. Force him to make decisions. Drag him out of his comfort zone or – and this is probably a worst-case scenario – leave him to wallow alone in it. You never know. After having to do the planning for a while, he might come around, but he definitely won't if you consistently take the pressure off him.