The Luv Doc: Hot Mom

Austin has more Peter Pans than just about any city this side of San Francisco

Dear Luv Doc,

My middle-aged mom still thinks she's in her 20s. I always run into her at clubs, concerts, and parties around town and she always seems to be hanging out with people my age rather than her own. My friends all think she's awesome, and cool, and a "hot mom," but they didn't grow up with her like I did. I like her OK, but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with her all the time. How do I gently let her know she needs to hang out with people her own age?

– Cougar Kid


I am not going to sit here and try to argue that being someone's parent shouldn't ruin the whole friendship vibe. That would be silly. I am pretty sure my daughters don't want me owning their friends in beer pong at every party they go to. Besides, that would be incredibly unfair given that I have had several decades to polish my game. I also know that there are plenty of people who believe that beer pong is an unparently thing to do, and to those people I say: Fuck right off.

I didn't move to Austin to hold down a dead-end job in the bowels of some governmental bureaucracy, manicure my lawn, and teach Sunday school while wearing Dockers. In fact, that is exactly the kind of suburban hell I was running from when I landed in River City.

Now, I will freely admit that these days I cut a pretty decent lawn when I set my mind to it – although that may be a genetic thing. I also can't confidently say I am not in a dead-end job. I think we can all see the cul-de-sac at the end of the print publishing road. I have also read through the Bible a time or two, but mainly so I could throw a serious theological beatdown on churchy motherfuckers who try to cramp my swerve.

What I am getting at is this: There is no right way to live, there is only living, and the one sure way to fuck that up is feeling like you need to live up to other people's expectations. Clearly you are still young enough to think that someone who has pressed a baby out of her vadge has some sort of higher standard of propriety to uphold. Let me burst your bubble: Parents are every bit as fucked-up as normal people, but usually they just make a greater effort to hide it.

If you're going to get all judgy about your mom going to bars and parties and hanging out with young people, you might want to ask yourself what you're doing there as well. Maybe you need to rethink who is being lame. Maybe your mom likes listening to live music and drinking and meeting interesting people instead of sitting around knitting and watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote. That is not a repudiation of textile arts or Angie's acting chops, it's an acknowledgment that not everyone is woven of the same cloth.

Lastly, you need to come to terms with the fact that, for better or worse, you live in the Neverland of the Southwest. Austin has more Peter Pans than just about any city this side of San Francisco, so if you're going to start bagging on the young at heart, you're shitting up the wrong creek. Listen, if your friends think your mom is cool, she probably is fucking cool. Let her be who she is without getting all up in her chili about it. Otherwise, one day she is going to be gone and you're going to miss having at least one awesome cool person in your family.

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