The Luv Doc: A Grossly Inaccurate Egyptology Lecture
We mere mortals are just feathers being blown about in the tempest of the gods
Dear Luv Doc,
My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I have a great relationship; he is very loving, and we can discuss anything, anytime. However, lately I have started to feel very lonely in our relationship. He lives in his own apartment, and I live in mine, and I have enjoyed that. However, I have noticed that he has started to show less interest in coming over lately. I feel like he is taking our relationship for granted. I know his work schedule and mine are different, and our sleep schedules are opposites. He sleeps super late, and I sleep early and wake up early. He wakes up around 3pm, and doesn't seem willing to change this in order to spend more time with me. We seem to be drifting apart. When I brought this up to him, he got defensive and said why should he change his schedule when I don't change mine? I see his point, but because his schedule is so extreme, I find it so hard to stay up late to meet him after work on weekends. I also think it is just a cop-out to not make an effort on his part. I don't want to look for someone new, and it would be a shame to give up on this relationship, but I feel he is not making my needs for more time together important to him. What should I do?
So it appears that morning sex with your boyfriend is actually more like afternoon delight. Skyrockets in flight! OK, for now it sounds like your skyrockets are grounded. That is a bit of a predicament, isn't it? Your missive contains a hopelessness similar to the current gun control debate. It seems as if you both want the same thing, but are unable to do what it takes to make it happen. There is nothing that can be done. We mere mortals are just feathers being blown about in the tempest of the gods, slaves to our immutable fates. It is impossible to change our minds or our destinies, so the best course of action is to do nothing and wait around and see what transpires.
Literally from well before the time the pyramids magically fell into place – and I think we both know that "magic" was slave labor and unquenchable hubris – people have been marveling at the impossibility of all kinds of things. Now granted, those pessimists lacked three very important qualities: desire, resources, and creativity. The first one is absolutely essential. There were probably at least a few Egyptians in 2500BC who had the resources and creativity to build a tomb that could be seen from outer space, but they didn't have the desire. They probably thought: "That's a really stupid fucking idea."
But there was one asshole who said, "Fuck it. My slaves don't have anything on their calendars for the next few centuries; why don't I have them build a really boss-ass tomb that glorifies me?" Now, there is a good chance that everyone else in the world thought, "This motherfucker is sniffing bath salts or something." But lo, in a few hundred years he's got a tomb that makes everyone else's look like a fucking dirt pile and, well, there goes the neighborhood.
Now, before this spins off into an even more grossly inaccurate Egyptology lecture, what I was getting at is that while on the surface it may seem like you have an insurmountable scheduling conflict, what you really have is a deficit of desire – and I am referring to both sides of the equation. If you really desire to be with this guy, you will do what it takes to get to spend time with him – and that includes realigning your circadian rhythms to closer sync with his.
It sounds to me like you want this fellow to put forth a little effort to show that he still has desire for you. Unfortunately that is a problem that you alone can't solve. What you can do is show him how very important he is to you by doing things for him. If he doesn't reciprocate, you know what to do. Walk ... like an Egyptian.