The Luv Doc: Lipstick on the Mirror
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t care how you feel?
Dear Luv Doc,
After a lot of work, I have come to understand that my unwillingness to communicate to avoid conflict hasn't been working for me. So, I have been trying to communicate my feelings more with my boyfriend and he has been reacting very negatively. We have always teased each other a lot, and I never really complained when it gets too harsh or personal. I would either tease him back more or walk away. Lately he has been extra disrespectful, calling me "bitchy" and "whiny" a lot more and mimicking me whenever I complain. When I try to stop him and say that really hurts me, he has said he doesn't care. That hurts me even more than the disrespect. It's like my feelings are just an inconvenience to him. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't care how I feel? What can I do to make him understand what I am trying to say?
– Hurt Bitch
Leave him. Feel free to scrawl something poetic in lipstick on the mirror if you need a little dramatic closure, but definitely unhitch yourself from his wagon. You will be absolutely amazed at how much more time you will have to spend with people who actually do care about you. Plus, your boyfriend will learn that he can not care about you all by himself – theoretically for the rest of his life. It has to be really annoying for him right now with you hanging around all the time trying to see if he's gonna catch feels on a bitch.
As for the mimicry, well, it's been said that imitation is the best form of flattery, but like any other art form, it's all about the subtext. When Alec Baldwin mimics the president, he isn't doing it because he wants to further inflate an already dangerously bloated ego. My bet is that when your boyfriend mimics you, he doesn't do it as a loving tribute but rather as a means of belittlement. Regardless of his intent, he is doing it against your clearly stated desire for the contrary. In other words, he's being a disrespectful dick.
In the inimitable words of Aretha, "R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me." Aretha's not asking for the moon or the stars ... or even hearts or clovers. She's just asking for a little respect. Not even a lot. Just a little. Some propers. And what does Aretha say will happen, if she doesn't get it? She says he might walk in and find out she's gone. She's probably going to write R-E-S-P-E-C-T on the bathroom mirror in lipstick because Aretha has a flair for the dramatic. Aretha will not be another link in his chain of fools.
You said it yourself: Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't care how you feel? Sure it might take away some of the agony of trying to decide which restaurant to go to or what movie to watch, but after awhile it will get really tiresome – especially if your man has a soft spot for Buffalo Wild Wings and anything starring Will Forte. Don't do that to yourself. If you do, just remember to watch the Will Forte movie before you eat the wild wings. Those evil bastards burn even harder on the way back up.
Remember: You have been doing the work and now it's time for you to start reaping the benefits – instead of pissing them away on some black hole of insecurity and unearned ego. The best way to stop being a hurt bitch is to become an ex bitch.