Dear Luv Doc,
I am a recently divorced woman in my mid-40s trying to get back into the dating scene. I don't really even know if a "dating scene" exists. Friends have suggested I try online dating, but from what I have seen on Match, OKCupid, Tinder, and other sites, it seems to be all about how you look. I am not unattractive, but I am on the heavier side. I'm not exactly plus size, but on the bigger end of regular, and I don't know if I could handle being rejected online – especially based only on a few pictures. That would not be a big confidence builder. I really don't even know how badly I want to put myself "out there," but I don't want to just sit home alone either. What is your advice? – Home Alone
The good news is that pretty much everyone experiences rejection at some point. Well, except for Kim Jong-un. My guess is that from the time he rolls out of bed in the morning until his head hits the pillow, every interaction he has with another human being is probably an effusively positive affirmation of his undeniable awesomeness.
Even still, you don't want that gig. Enduring that kind of sycophancy on a daily basis would be comforting to only the most deluded of idiots – people like our president. Thankfully there are only a few of them around, and they should all give their food tasters a raise.
The rest of us endure rejection all the time. Every damn day. Actually, that's not quite true. We endure rejection every day in our minds. We tell ourselves "no" way more often than others do. Granted, our self-rejection is based on a certain amount of empirical observation, but it is nonetheless, still purely speculative. We can never be truly sure of untested outcomes.
Yes, it is highly likely that if I try out for the NFL I will not be quarterbacking the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I think my 5.3 second 40-time (and I am probably being extra generous given my age) and the fact that most NFL players would snap me like a twig is a solid basis for my negativity, but when it comes to something like dating, I say fuck it, swing for the fences. It's not like you're going to sustain a concussion and several compound fractures by throwing up a profile on a dating site.
Don't ever tell yourself no in advance over stupid shit like that. Being rejected multiple times by rando strangers on a dating site should be a badge of honor. If you're not getting a thumbs down from the 50% douche bag ratio (once again I am probably being generous) on dating sites, you probably need some sort of therapy anyway. Think about it: Being popular on a dating site is more of a curse than a blessing, so be weird, be you, and open yourself up to the possibility of success. Even if success might take the next 20 or 30 years. The journey is always more important than the destination. And remember, if dating sites don't work out, you can always throw a bandanna on your dog and go play Frisbee at Zilker or fondle the produce at Whole Foods.
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