The Austin Chronicle

https://www.austinchronicle.com/columns/2017-11-24/luv-doc-giving-thanks/

Luv Doc: Giving Thanks

The Luv Doc is not not conned by the deluded nostalgics who claim that turkey is their favorite meat

By The Luv Doc, November 24, 2017, Columns

Things for which the Luv Doc is thankful:

1) That the president hasn't yet declared martial law or started a nuclear war with Korea as subterfuge for the release of a videotape of him in a pee-soaked Moscow hotel room with a bunch of Russian hookers;

2) That the plagues of amphibians and locusts and dead fish and biting insects and darkness that I have been expecting all seem to have been replaced by one huge plague of internet stupidity, which is terrifying, but easily avoidable. This plague of boils, however ... well ... I should probably get that checked out;

3) That I only have to eat turkey one time a year;

4) That I am not conned by the deluded nostalgics who claim that turkey is their favorite meat but can't account for the fact that there are no "Kentucky Fried Turkeys" or "Turk-fil-A"s;

5) That cranberries have at least one useful purpose: fighting bladder infections – even though they're bitter enough to make you endure a bladder infection;

6) That I recently got rid of every pair of underwear I had with holes in them. Hopefully someone at Goodwill can find a use for them;

7) That my fatty liver isn't the bad kind of fatty, it's really just jolly;

8) That I finally learned how to enjoy coffee, and it only costs me $5 and 330 calories;

9) That Colin Kaepernick is GQ's "Citizen of the Year";

10) That Austin is still the same unpretentious little town where you can walk/carry your miniature dog from your half-million-dollar Downtown high-rise condo to Whole Foods and pick up a Chronicle so your dog doesn't have to shit on the bare floor. Oh, and if he hits a bull's-eye, please send me a photo.

Copyright © 2019 Austin Chronicle Corporation. All rights reserved.

The Austin Chronicle

https://www.austinchronicle.com/columns/2017-11-24/luv-doc-giving-thanks/

Luv Doc: Giving Thanks

The Luv Doc is not not conned by the deluded nostalgics who claim that turkey is their favorite meat

By The Luv Doc, November 24, 2017, Columns

Things for which the Luv Doc is thankful:

1) That the president hasn't yet declared martial law or started a nuclear war with Korea as subterfuge for the release of a videotape of him in a pee-soaked Moscow hotel room with a bunch of Russian hookers;

2) That the plagues of amphibians and locusts and dead fish and biting insects and darkness that I have been expecting all seem to have been replaced by one huge plague of internet stupidity, which is terrifying, but easily avoidable. This plague of boils, however ... well ... I should probably get that checked out;

3) That I only have to eat turkey one time a year;

4) That I am not conned by the deluded nostalgics who claim that turkey is their favorite meat but can't account for the fact that there are no "Kentucky Fried Turkeys" or "Turk-fil-A"s;

5) That cranberries have at least one useful purpose: fighting bladder infections – even though they're bitter enough to make you endure a bladder infection;

6) That I recently got rid of every pair of underwear I had with holes in them. Hopefully someone at Goodwill can find a use for them;

7) That my fatty liver isn't the bad kind of fatty, it's really just jolly;

8) That I finally learned how to enjoy coffee, and it only costs me $5 and 330 calories;

9) That Colin Kaepernick is GQ's "Citizen of the Year";

10) That Austin is still the same unpretentious little town where you can walk/carry your miniature dog from your half-million-dollar Downtown high-rise condo to Whole Foods and pick up a Chronicle so your dog doesn't have to shit on the bare floor. Oh, and if he hits a bull's-eye, please send me a photo.

Copyright © 2019 Austin Chronicle Corporation. All rights reserved.

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