The Luv Doc: Gracious Acceptance

The Luv Doc postulates on why 69 was invented

The Luv Doc: Gracious Acceptance
by Dan Hardick

Dear Luv Doc,

I don't mean to start this out with a brag, but my boyfriend and I have an incredibly active and satisfying sex life. We're currently on a six-day streak, and just before that we were on a seven-day streak that only ended because he had to leave town for a night. And a 10-day streak before that, and five days right before then, and so on and so on. You'd think it might get old (or sore or chafed), and for some it would, but in our case, the sex really is that good ... vaginal, oral, anal. Every. Which. Way. He loves to please me, and I love to please him. And this can sometimes be a problem. Every now and then, I only want to please him – to give him oral until he comes, and then lie next to him and watch him fall asleep. Unfortunately, he might be the only man who cannot just graciously accept a blow job. He says he feels guilty if he doesn't return the favor. How can I convince him that he already has?

– Loves to Please

I don't want to sound negative, but your question sounds like the point in the job interview where the interviewer says, "Tell me your greatest weakness" and you say, "Well, my greatest weakness is also my greatest strength." I think it goes without saying that if the above was your actual response to that "greatest weakness" question, you would be hired on the spot. Well, at least half the time. No, it would not matter if you were applying to be a brain surgeon, or an airline pilot, or an air-traffic controller.

Now, regarding your boyfriend: Psychologists like to say that guilt is a wasted emotion. That is definitely an attractive thought, but what if you're Heinrich Himmler? Don't some people genuinely deserve to wallow in guilt for a while? Heinrich probably didn't think so. He bit that cyanide capsule lickety split. He knew the score. There is a big difference, however, between feeling guilty about being the architect for one of the world's most heinous genocides and feeling guilty about getting a blow job from your girlfriend without reciprocating.

That guilt truly does seem like a wasted emotion. You should explain to him that you're not giving him a blow job to give him a guilty conscience, but rather you are giving him a blow job – ideally – so he can forget about his conscience altogether and just enjoy the wonderful sensation. This is, of course, assuming you give a really fantastic blow job. Why wouldn't you? Just for the practice alone. I feel fairly certain that when he goes down on you, his intent is not to make you feel guilty about not going down on him.

I am pretty certain this is why 69 was invented. However, anyone who has actually engaged in simultaneous oral stimulation knows that it's a zero-sum game. Truly receiving oral pleasure means not having to focus on giving oral pleasure and vice versa. With oral sex, each side of the equation needs to focus without distraction on his or her unique role. Plus, we all know that dudes can only do one thing at a time anyway.

So let your boyfriend know that for you to really enjoy doing what you so clearly love, he needs to get out of his big head and into what's happening to his little head. You should also assure him that when the time comes, you will do the same.

Need some advice from the Luv Doc? Send your questions to the Luv Doc, check out the Luv Doc Archive, and subscribe to the Luv Doc Newsletter.

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for almost 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

More Luv Doc
The Luv Doc: Wash Your Hands
The Luv Doc: Wash Your Hands
The Luv Doc touches his face about a thousand times a day

The Luv Doc, March 6, 2020

The Luv Doc: Fast and Furious
The Luv Doc: Fast and Furious
Tornadoes are a dime a dozen in Oklahoma

The Luv Doc, Oct. 25, 2019

More The Luv Doc
The Luv Doc: High Anxiety
The Luv Doc: High Anxiety
Minds seem to be happiest when they’re not doing a lot of thinking

The Luv Doc, Oct. 16, 2020

The Luv Doc: He Says He Likes Music
The Luv Doc: He Says He Likes Music
It's OK to not like music

Oct. 9, 2020


Luv Doc, Dan Hardick

One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Can't keep up with happenings around town? We can help.

Austin's queerest news and events

New recipes and food news delivered Mondays

All questions answered (satisfaction not guaranteed)

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle