The Luv Doc: Willing

Western Europeans through most of the last few thousand years haven’t been very enthusiastic bathers

The Luv Doc: Willing

Dear Luv Doc,

My boyfriend is great in a lot of ways, but he sucks at foreplay. Don't get me wrong, he tries, and I am grateful for that, but he always stops at exactly the wrong time. It's like he gets bored and moves on to something else, even if what he is doing is working. I don't want to complain to him about it because I don't want him to stop entirely, but I would like him to polish up his skills a bit. What should I do?

Up to Here (almost … so close)

Well now! Sounds to me like you really hit the jackpot! Sex is always better with someone who is willing to put in some effort, so you should count yourself lucky. Evolutionarily, guys aren't really wired to spend a lot of QT on foreplay – or post-coital cuddling for that matter. It probably has something to do with a primal instinct to not get eaten by a saber-toothed tiger while basking in the afterglow. Neanderthals might have been silver-tongued cuddle bunnies, but we'll never know because they went extinct in the Pleistocene era. Hopefully they all died exhausted and content.

Since the Ice Age, the history of male sexual activity in Western civilization mainly involves whamming, bamming, and scramming. That's no surprise. Evolution tends to favor selfish assholes. Speaking of assholes, Western Europeans through most of the last few thousand years haven't been very enthusiastic bathers, so it's somewhat understandable that the idea of doing a lot of prep work on the vag never really took hold. Sex was predominantly genital and primarily a conduit for sharing diseases, vermin, and an occasional payload of sperm. It's no wonder that Western patriarchal society didn't embrace cunnilingus. They could barely keep teeth in their heads, for Christ's sake.

Eastern cultures, on the other hand, were smart enough to use water for something other than drowning witches. Consequently, they were much more inclined to take the time to get to know the godhead and learn how to give good head. The mere fact that the Kama Sutra recommends that the woman should climax first is still a pretty revolutionary idea in Western culture, where the female orgasm was, for several centuries, completely misunderstood.

Women, if they were unable to achieve a vaginal orgasm in the traditional three minutes of marital sex, were treated to occasional "hysterical paroxysms" at the psychiatrist's office or maybe on the back of a galloping steed. If the latter two didn't calm them down, they were shipped off to the loony bin because, you know, witches be crazy.

You, however, are a long way from crazy. You are simply suffering from uninformed boyfriend disease. It's a two-step recovery: 1) Tell him exactly what you want and how and where you want it. 2) Buy him some books and send him some links and give him the tools he needs to achieve greatness … or at least an acceptable level of competency. Remember: The mere fact that he is willing means you've already won the jackpot.

Need some advice from the Luv Doc? Send your questions to the Luv Doc, check out the Luv Doc Archive, and subscribe to the Luv Doc Newsletter.

A note to readers: Bold and uncensored, The Austin Chronicle has been Austin’s independent news source for over 40 years, expressing the community’s political and environmental concerns and supporting its active cultural scene. Now more than ever, we need your support to continue supplying Austin with independent, free press. If real news is important to you, please consider making a donation of $5, $10 or whatever you can afford, to help keep our journalism on stands.

Support the Chronicle  

More Luv Doc
The Luv Doc: Belief Is Magic
The Luv Doc: Belief Is Magic
Nobody comes to Jesus because of the rigorous scientific scrutiny of the Christian religion

The Luv Doc, Dec. 22, 2023

The Luv Doc: A Bad Look From Any Angle
The Luv Doc: A Bad Look From Any Angle
If you want to get to greener pastures, you’re going to have to slip past some barbed wire

The Luv Doc, Dec. 15, 2023

More The Luv Doc
The Luv Doc: An Orgasm Party
The Luv Doc: An Orgasm Party
Like bringing egg salad to a family reunion at the lake in August

The Luv Doc, April 19, 2024

The Luv Doc: Settling
The Luv Doc: Settling
Who do you want? Mr. Wrong or Mr. Reliable?

The Luv Doc, April 12, 2024


Luv Doc, Dan Hardick

One click gets you all the newsletters listed below

Breaking news, arts coverage, and daily events

Keep up with happenings around town

Kevin Curtin's bimonthly cannabis musings

Austin's queerest news and events

Eric Goodman's Austin FC column, other soccer news

Information is power. Support the free press, so we can support Austin.   Support the Chronicle