Luv Doc: Be a Champion
You have to silence the doubters, the boo birds and the armchair quarterbacks
Dear Luv Doc,
My newfound love interest and I began a relationship a few weeks ago. She told me that she had been having a sexual relationship with a man, off and on, in the past year-and-a-half up to a few weeks ago, before we began dating. What makes this worse is that she still talks to this guy and even met with him for a few hours since we started dating to talk to him. She claims he is only a friend now because she values his advice. This keeps me up at night. I have expressed my deep concern regarding this matter to her and wonder if she'll cheat on me with this guy. She tells me she really likes me and that nothing will happen between this old flame of hers while she is with me. I don't want to come off as untrusting and jealous, but I can't deny my instincts. I really like this woman and want things to work between us, but I'm really tempted to ask her to choose to break all communication with this recent partner of hers or me. Am I being reasonable? Would other guys in my same position feel the same way? What should I do?
– G. Dawg
Yes, absolutely. Other guys in your position would feel the same way, but you know what? Fuck those guys. Their instincts are every bit as wrong as yours. You're not a goddamned pit bull guarding a leg bone. You're two weeks into a relationship with someone and you want to start making demands on what they can and can't do? What. The. Actual. Fuck? In what other part of your life is that okay? "Hey Bill, I know we have only been playing golf for a few weeks, but I am going to need you to stop playing golf with your friend Jeff so I don't feel insecure about my golf game." It doesn't matter if Jeff has an impressively big driver or if he crushes it on every hole. If you're insecure about the size of your putter or the smoothness of your stroke, fix that shit – either physically or mentally.
When you're at work, do you march into the boss' office and say, "Hey boss, if you don't fire the guy who had my job before me and cut off all communication with him, I am going to quit!" That would be completely asinine, wouldn't it? In a relationship – just like in your job, you have to make yourself completely indispensable. "Yes, Mr. Jones, I understand that your last quarterback was a beloved fellow named Tony Romo. But … uh … 11-1 … oh, and I am just going to pick up this cup that I threw at the trash can and missed so I can actually put it in the trash."
Here's the really ugly part: You don't get to just win a couple of games and plop your fat ass on the recliner and remind everyone about your glory days. No sir, you have to go out there and earn it every day. You have to silence the doubters, the boo birds and the armchair quarterbacks. It doesn't get easier. It gets harder. You're playing on a trick knee. Your rotator cuff's shot. Your ribs are bruised. OK … well … you get the idea. You have to play every day like you have something to lose – because you do. So get out there and win it. Be a champion.