The Luv Doc: Start Snapping

Dear Luv Doc,

How do I get my girlfriend to let me take photographs of her? Every time I point my cell phone or camera at her she gets mad and hides her face or puts her hand in front of the camera. She doesn't just do it to me, she does it to other people, too. You would think that after several years she would trust me enough to let me take her picture, but no. What do I do?

– Frustrated Photographer

Dude, she is totally lens blocking you! That is some messed-up shit. Well, I mean it is if she's always sending you pouty-lipped bathroom mirror selfies ... or posting Instagrams of her and her homies flashing gang signs ... or maybe dressing room photos of her in her new booty shorts. It would be really cruel to not let you in on that action.

But wait ... is it possible that your girlfriend is part of that vanishing breed of women who aren't obsessed with documenting their soul-crushingly mundane existence in tritely staged Kardashian-style interweb vanity posts accompanied by illiterate captions punctuated with a transparent overabundance of exclamation points? That is so rad!

Is she one of those women whose "come hither" look is only witnessed by people in meatspace? Does she sometimes ask you to abandon your frantic search for Pokémon and actually sit down and talk to her? Does she only enjoy sex IRL? If so, that is perfectly all right – at least I bet it is for her. You (and pretty much the rest of the world), I'm not so sure about.

Here's a novel idea: Not everyone needs to gaze constantly into the pool of Narcissus. There are plenty of people who are perfectly content with who they are and how they look – people who are more fascinated by how they see the world than how the world sees them. That doesn't make them bad people or somehow socially dysfunctional. It doesn't make them vampires. It just makes them different.

Now, there are probably a lot of advice columnists who would tell you to build up her confidence by constantly telling her she's pretty and how you want to share her beauty with the world so that everyone else can see her as you do. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Everybody can use a little confidence boost now and then.

And yet, if you truly do want the world to see her as you do, what does that say about you? What if she is perfectly secure about her beauty but you aren't? Why would she want to indulge your insecurities at her own expense? That sounds like a lose/lose proposition.

Believe me, her refusal to be photographed isn't in any way inhibiting your desire to be an amateur or even a professional photographer. The world is full of willing subjects. Dear GOD is it ever. All you need to do is start snapping ... and then when you're done you can tell your girlfriend how beautiful she is.