Luv Doc: Worried Sick
Sometimes you have to risk your friendship for the sake of your friend
Dear Luv Doc,
Here is the dilemma: A dear friend is scheduled to marry at the end of the month. We (her two best GFs) think she's making a big mistake. The bride to be – let's call her Lucy – just got a sweet promotion, so the BF quit his job. He has always been sporadically employed, grew up a spoiled only child and still acts it. He's incredibly lazy, sits on his butt when they have guests over, giving commands, while Lucy dashes around doing all the work. He says mean things to her in public to the point that we would call it verbal abuse. We three have known one another for over 10 years and she's never dated a dude who treated her poorly, so this isn't a habit of hers. They've been together several years, and while we've never been impressed with him, we've tried to be accepting, but having recently spent a long weekend with the couple we are left with the nail-biting blues. What do we do? The hall is rented, the guests have bought their airline tickets and yet we, the two besties, are worried sick. Do we risk her everlasting anger and say something or do we sit squirming through the ceremony hoping for Dustin Hoffman to arrive and whisk her away on a Cap Metro bus? – Ethels
OK, first of all, Dustin Hoffman is nearly 80, so he is not a suitable candidate to do any kind of whisking. Even a respectably lofty meringue is probably beyond his physical abilities, so I think you should ditch that idea entirely. Well, maybe not entirely. The Cap Metro bus is a solid transportation choice for high-density urban areas such as ours. I mean, it would be great if she could be whisked away by Taylor Kitsch in a Tesla Model S, but Cap Metro is a perfectly viable and environmentally responsible transportation option.
This fiancé though ... holy douche bags! I mean, any guy who would make you pine for a 78-year-old man whose greatest role was as a cross-dresser (wait, that's not true. His greatest role was Ratso Rizzo, followed by Little Big Man) is a special breed of dick. The verbal abuse thing is troubling as well – especially from someone who doesn't have a job and doesn't seem inclined to work. My guess is your friend doesn't have brothers or a cranky old grandfather. Either scenario would likely result in a nonverbal settlement. I am not advocating for that approach, just saying maybe this guy has more to be grateful for than his sweet fiancée.
That said, your friend either A) believes she loves this asshole, or B) believes she can't find someone who is less of an asshole. There is truly no solution for A, and the B scenario is not much better, but if you truly are her best friends, I think you need to share your concerns about his behavior with her now. Let her know that you will support her always, but sometimes being a supportive friend means not blowing smoke up someone's ass (and by the way, that medical procedure hasn't been in use since the 1800s). So go ahead and risk your friendship for the sake of your friend. If it all goes wrong and she chooses to ignore your concerns and they live happily ever after, you will be greatly relieved you were mistaken.