The Austin Chronicle

The Luv Doc: Quality

It might take a monumental amount of work for you to become the kind of person you would like to date

By The Luv Doc, July 31, 2015, Columns

Dear Luv Doc,

How do you meet a quality mate?

Loveless Side of Dating

This is such a wonderful question, Loveless. Thanks for asking. As you can probably imagine, there are countless numbers of vapid, undereducated, uninteresting, physically and socially inactive losers out there trying to hook up with someone special like yourself – someone with exceptionally high intelligence, superior health, razor-sharp wit, a positive, magnetic personality, and loads of friends. What the fuck is wrong with them? How are they not able to see that you are clearly out of their league?

Maybe they are somehow emboldened by your sweet, compassionate, and charitable disposition. Yeah, that must be it. Those exceedingly rare instances when you have free time are probably spent engaged in charity work for people of low quality. Otherwise, I can't imagine how they would ever meet you or even know who you are.

Over the years I have found that certain people have a huge disconnect between who they are and who they believe themselves to be. This self-deception is especially acute on Internet dating profiles where people are asked to describe themselves. Needless to say, there is a frustrating amount of hype. I get it. People are trying to sell the sizzle. What might be more useful however is Yelp-style reviews from friends, family, and acquaintances. Maybe Feel free to steal the idea and the domain name, but if you do I'd like to get my beak wet, know what I mean?

Think about it: If online dating profiles were based solely on user reviews, it would really cut down on the deception. I'm not saying that you wouldn't still have to exercise a certain amount of scrutiny when seeking a mate – after all, pretty much everyone should get a five star rating from their mother – but if a majority of the reviews slant hard negative, you've probably got yourself a dud.

Ideally such a site would encourage a healthy amount of critical introspection among its users. After all, most people are in the meat of the qualitative bell curve, not the apex. If we can agree on that, let's consider for a moment the possibility that the dates you're looking for don't exist in your part of the bell curve. Ouch.

Yes, that hurts, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're forever condemned to pair up with tedious, uninteresting, unremarkable, low-quality people like yourself. Rather, it sets the goal of where you need to be. Are you looking for fun, interesting people? Then you need to become one yourself. Why? Because guess who fun, interesting people hang out with? BINGO.

So take some classes, join a gym, read a fuckload of books, do some charity work, meditate. I am not going to lie: It might take a monumental amount of work for you to become the kind of person you would like to date. But if I were you, I wouldn't settle for anything less.

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