The Luv Doc: Great, Satisfying Sex
Sometimes you need to give turn-by-turn directions to O-town
Dear Luv Doc,
– The Beat Goes On
There is nothing wrong with masturbating after sex as long as you don't do it in a church or an elementary school or really any place you're likely to get arrested. You can apply that rule to regular sex as well. Yes, there is a titillation factor in getting a back-pew handy or having monkey sex on actual monkey bars, but nothing dulls the postcoital afterglow like a messy-haired mugshot in Busted magazine captioned "public indecency" ... or having to inform your new neighbors that you're a registered sex offender. Once you drop that bomb into a conversation it's really tough to get to the part where you explain how you were having slightly freaky albeit consensual sex with your long-term monogamous partner in a poorly chosen location – especially when you're yelling it through a cracked door with a chain lock.
So yeah, I would say location is a big part of this deal. For instance, my guess (hope?) is that after having great, satisfying sex with your partner, you don't roll over to the other side of the bed and say, "I'm just going to finish myself off over here – oh, and you might want to earmuff, because this Hitachi Magic Wand can get noisy." At the very least, there is a mild implication that your partner didn't get the job done – similar to a patronizing pat on the back followed by the disingenuous phrase, "No, it felt great" (cue sad trombone).
Ideally, you're simply taking care of your needs once your partner has already orgasmed. If so, bravo for taking control of your sexuality and giving yourself what you need. That said, I don't think you would be overreaching if you ask for an assist. Research shows that 50-75% of women don't achieve vaginal orgasm, so it only follows that your love nub might need some additional tweaking. Give your partner a minute or so to wipe off the drool and un-spasm, then lie back and give turn-by-turn directions to O-town. Yes, there is a chance for fumbling ineptitude, but after several thousand practice sessions, he's eventually going to become a master (as in bator). And you know what? Those additional ministrations can also be included in your definition of great, satisfying sex.