The Austin Chronicle

https://www.austinchronicle.com/columns/2015-07-03/the-luv-doc-kind-of-goofy-kind-of-dicky/

The Luv Doc: Kind of Goofy, Kind of Dicky

Her unique worth as a human being exists outside of your palette of needs

By The Luv Doc, July 3, 2015, Columns

Luv Doc,
I see someone I actually KNOW on OKCupid! And here's the weird part – we met at a party on New Year's and she was with this kind of dicky boyfriend. I thought she was awesome, but he was kind of goofy. She and I really hit it off, but obviously nothing happened. NOW WHAT? Do I write her on OKC and blow her cover? Or pretend I didn't see her, and write her on FB where I am also friends with her? OH, WOE IS ME.
– Silent Cupidity

No woe, bro. You are clearly in the driver’s seat. You know that: a) You’re compatible (that is, assuming you have answered the barrage of OKC profile questions) and b) You have met her and she’s awesome. Really your only pitfall now is getting overly excited and pissing yourself like an inbred cocker spaniel the next time you see her. Nobody likes to see that – man or beast. It’s just undignified. Sure, she might appreciate the enthusiasm, but in her heart of hearts, her biggest fan probably doesn’t have to wear an astronaut diaper just to be in her presence – unless she’s into that kind of thing and there’s something you’re not telling me about.

If it were me, I would contact her through Facebook. I have nothing against OKC other than its name, which makes it seem like a dating site for people seeking mediocre relationships. Then again, that might not necessarily be a bad thing. Sometimes being at the tip of the dating bell curve means that your suitor is a Camaro-driving meth-head with rotten teeth, a mullet, and a sleeveless Skynyrd T-shirt. Swipe left – ideally with some pepper spray. Anyway, the thing is that even though perfectly comfortable with her presence on OKC, you can bet she is equally if not more comfortable with her presence on Facebook.

With OKC, as with most dating sites, there is an undercurrent of romantic expectation that puts extra weight on any interactions you might have. In a certain way, that can be advantageous, but it can also be an impediment to the natural development of a relationship. When you meet someone in the real world there is at least the pretense that you’re not immediately sizing them up as a potential sex partner/soul mate; that their unique worth as a human being exists outside of your palette of needs. Yes, you might be hornier than a brass band on Flag Day, but even if you dispense with the pleasantries and immediately get busy bumping uglies, you will still have get to know the postcoital person, and that can be way messier than even the freakiest sex. So, my advice is to message her on Facebook. Start slow, gauge her interest, and follow through if things seem to be going well. Maybe someday you can be her kind of goofy, kind of dicky boyfriend.

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