The Luv Doc: Frequency Issues
Be fearless with your mind but cautious with your body
Dear Luv Doc,
I spent a sexy two days with a nice foreign man while traveling overseas. Now, six months later, he’s coming stateside and thinking of making a detour to Austin. Am I crazy to say, “Yes, cum"?
Well, Worldly, I’d say that depends on whether you were hunting fruit bats on the Ebola River when you met him. Otherwise, I don’t think you have a legitimate reason to claim insanity, although that gratuitous “cum” is a step in the right direction. That’s some serious Florence Henderson memoir shit right there. No, it sounds to me like you had sex with a man and now, six months later, you are contemplating the possibility of having sex with him again. I think it would be generous for a normal person to describe that frequency as modest. In fact, I would say you are seriously overdue for another two-day bone sesh. Just remember to stay hydrated, and if you decide to really get your freak on, work up to it slowly and exercise caution. There’s a reason relief pitchers spend time in the bullpen before hitting the mound – even in the pros. You don’t want to go in cold and tear a muscle.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, Worldly: What has he done with the Luv Doc? What’s this “exercise caution” shit? Well, I admit that this caution thing is a bit out of character. In my heart of hearts I believe that caution usually hurts people as much as it helps them. This does not mean that I routinely advocate doing stupid shit; it means that a lot of caution is just stupid.
For instance, if your gut tells you not to dive off the roof into a swimming pool … or pet that rabid-looking pit bull … or move in to the Amityville Horror house, trust it. Don’t be fucking stupid. However (and this is a really big however), if your gut is telling you not to talk to a good-looking guy at a bar because you would be super embarrassed … or if your gut is telling you to not sign up for the kegball league because you’re really bad at sports (it’s fucking kegball for Christ’s sake) … or if you’re afraid to tell someone you love them because they may not love you back, then don’t trust your gut. Your gut is fucking wrong.
People die (or at least get seriously injured) from diving accidents; they get mauled by crazy-looking pit bulls; and they ruin perfectly clean undergarments when an evil voice hisses “get out” in an ostensibly empty New England house. On the other hand, people rarely die of embarrassment – no matter what British manners dramas would have you believe. More often than not, people give birth to the dragons they need to slay. So, be fearless with your mind but cautious with your body. You only get one, and your thoughts are depending on it.